All you Michael Bay hating people, go experience the glory that is Transformers. It was an all around action packed fiesta of a good time. There was comedy. There was the generic romance, with a HOT chick. The usual visuals from Michael Bay (who in my opinion makes the nicest looking movies around). The guy is the master of the eye candy and sexy music video look. And there was KICK ASS ACTION.
So far, this movie takes the cake for me of all the summer shit I've seen. It was a very enjoyable, very entertaining thrill ride the whole time. I dont know how the guy does it, but he knows how to make chaotic action sequences, and these epic scenes of destruction seem like its no big deal.
This movie cost 150 million to make, yet Pirates and Spiderman 3 cost upwards of 300 million? Evan Almighty cost more than Transformers? What the fuck? With the visual effects, fight sequences, action, and AWESOME explosions, you'd assume Transformers cost a billion big ones. But the movie had far much more to show and offer than the others, and somehow they squeezed the whole package into a more exciting movie than the others at a fraction of the cost.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME
5 holes baby! The crowd was awesome too. There were cheers and people going crazy for shit in the movie and it was all enjoyable. I usually hate that shit too.
I'll be checking it out again
Thursday, June 28, 2007
1408
Haunted hotel room ghost story type deal. I am thinking I should start posting the trailers for the movies in the blog so I don't need to take the 20 seconds to write a poor synopsis of it on here. Either way, guy faces off with the haunted hotel room thats killed everybody thats ever stayed in it. Will he be the next death? SPOOOOOOKY!
This one had so much potential and I was pumped to see it. The preview looked awesome, and I havent seen a good haunted house type movie in a while. So I was pretty ready to go for this one.
It started off with a bang. Samuel L. is the pimp and building up the murderous hotel room and making you get prepared for the crazy shit thats about to happen to poor old John Cusack. Prepared I was. This was the first time I felt knots in my stomache building up anticipated a scare fest.
The first 45 minutes, maybe an hour, were awesome. The room was creepy. The pictures of all the dead people in the room, and the whole build up was great. Unfortunately, mid way through the haunting, the movie sputtered and ran out of gas. It was still cool, but it really just died out which was a real let down.
Acting was cool. Cusack was pretty good, and Samuel L., that guy can't do wrong it seems. Every role he has seems custom made for a sassy black mother fucker. The guys the dude and I wish we could get him in our movies.
If you dont wanna go see Pirates or Spiderman or any of the other big summer movies, go drop the money for a half decent time. Otherwise, wait for the DVD. 3 holes
This one had so much potential and I was pumped to see it. The preview looked awesome, and I havent seen a good haunted house type movie in a while. So I was pretty ready to go for this one.
It started off with a bang. Samuel L. is the pimp and building up the murderous hotel room and making you get prepared for the crazy shit thats about to happen to poor old John Cusack. Prepared I was. This was the first time I felt knots in my stomache building up anticipated a scare fest.
The first 45 minutes, maybe an hour, were awesome. The room was creepy. The pictures of all the dead people in the room, and the whole build up was great. Unfortunately, mid way through the haunting, the movie sputtered and ran out of gas. It was still cool, but it really just died out which was a real let down.
Acting was cool. Cusack was pretty good, and Samuel L., that guy can't do wrong it seems. Every role he has seems custom made for a sassy black mother fucker. The guys the dude and I wish we could get him in our movies.
If you dont wanna go see Pirates or Spiderman or any of the other big summer movies, go drop the money for a half decent time. Otherwise, wait for the DVD. 3 holes
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Hostel 2
This one picks up right where part 1 ended, so we get to see what happens to Pax from the first one. Then, we get pretty much the same movie as part 1 for the first 50 minutes or so, minus the witty banter, and dudes banging tons of chicks, with the addition of more backstory for the Elite Hunting Group.
Not saying its a bad thing, but the charm of part 1, were the likable characters, and the fun situations they were in until they were being chopped to bits. In this one, the build up and all that seemed pretty un-necesary because we already knew who was going to get killed from the get go.
The torture scenes themselves were gross enough. The first one for some reason made me squirm and uncomfortable more than I figured anything would. Good acting on behalf of the person involved, and it was a pretty gross situation.
There are a bunch of recurring characters from the first, and some things that happen I think for the sake of shock value (see the bubble gum kids meeting with the Elite Hunting leader), but overall it was interesting enough. I was totally involved in the story with the two guys who were high bidders on some of the girls and seeing how their stories played out, although the pay off seemed out of left field in a way for one of them.
The whole movie seems like a build up for the ending, which had the whole theatre hooting and howling because it was pretty entertaining to see. It wasn't "the most shocking horror ending ever" like its been built, but it was pretty gross and fun to watch pan out.
After that incident transpires, there's a total Cabin Fever esque campy ending to the movie. It really seems like Eli Roth just wanted to make the sequel for the ending torture sequence.
Overall, not a bad movie, and it was entertaining enough. But it lacked in the suspense department, and the humor department that the first one had going for it. Mainly because like I said, we already know whats going to happen to the girls, just a matter of when and how, where as the first one it was all new to people and it was an awesome ride.
3.5 Buttholes. Entertaining, but part 1 was overall a more enjoyable trip to the Hostel
Not saying its a bad thing, but the charm of part 1, were the likable characters, and the fun situations they were in until they were being chopped to bits. In this one, the build up and all that seemed pretty un-necesary because we already knew who was going to get killed from the get go.
The torture scenes themselves were gross enough. The first one for some reason made me squirm and uncomfortable more than I figured anything would. Good acting on behalf of the person involved, and it was a pretty gross situation.
There are a bunch of recurring characters from the first, and some things that happen I think for the sake of shock value (see the bubble gum kids meeting with the Elite Hunting leader), but overall it was interesting enough. I was totally involved in the story with the two guys who were high bidders on some of the girls and seeing how their stories played out, although the pay off seemed out of left field in a way for one of them.
The whole movie seems like a build up for the ending, which had the whole theatre hooting and howling because it was pretty entertaining to see. It wasn't "the most shocking horror ending ever" like its been built, but it was pretty gross and fun to watch pan out.
After that incident transpires, there's a total Cabin Fever esque campy ending to the movie. It really seems like Eli Roth just wanted to make the sequel for the ending torture sequence.
Overall, not a bad movie, and it was entertaining enough. But it lacked in the suspense department, and the humor department that the first one had going for it. Mainly because like I said, we already know whats going to happen to the girls, just a matter of when and how, where as the first one it was all new to people and it was an awesome ride.
3.5 Buttholes. Entertaining, but part 1 was overall a more enjoyable trip to the Hostel
Pirates 3
Third and possibly final movie in the series. This one wasn't as good as the other two. The first was the best and they've gradually gone down hill in my opinion. This one had some half decent action sequences, and the best part of the movie is in the first 20-25 minutes in my opinion when they are at Chow Yun Fats place trying to do some funny business.
The Depp hallucinations, multiple personalities were kinda lame. Orlando Bloom is still a homo who is the same character in every movie, just with different version of his gay hair.
The biggest complaint I have about the movie, is there are about 500 swerves, turncoats, backstabbings in the span of about 3 minutes, and it's pretty hard to follow who is going to get who and who is on what team. It got very confusing, very fast. For the people who complained there were too many storylines in Spiderman 3, that was a breeze compared to this.
I'll give it 2 and a half butts, so I suppose it's a middle butt of a movie. You could wait for the dvd.
The Depp hallucinations, multiple personalities were kinda lame. Orlando Bloom is still a homo who is the same character in every movie, just with different version of his gay hair.
The biggest complaint I have about the movie, is there are about 500 swerves, turncoats, backstabbings in the span of about 3 minutes, and it's pretty hard to follow who is going to get who and who is on what team. It got very confusing, very fast. For the people who complained there were too many storylines in Spiderman 3, that was a breeze compared to this.
I'll give it 2 and a half butts, so I suppose it's a middle butt of a movie. You could wait for the dvd.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
The Professional
I had this saved in my drafts since May. I thought I wrote it and posted it, but there was nothing in this one.
So in brief, here is my take on the movie:
Natalie Portman is a horny pervert who likes old guys that like to drink lots of milk. (Maybe she should call me)
Said old guy who likes to drink milk, also likes to kill people for money.
Tons of action ensues, a romantic sub story that isn't fully developed because it would be so creepy in America (but it turns out in the other versions, they're an item). Fun movie, and was a good watch.
4 buttholios
So in brief, here is my take on the movie:
Natalie Portman is a horny pervert who likes old guys that like to drink lots of milk. (Maybe she should call me)
Said old guy who likes to drink milk, also likes to kill people for money.
Tons of action ensues, a romantic sub story that isn't fully developed because it would be so creepy in America (but it turns out in the other versions, they're an item). Fun movie, and was a good watch.
4 buttholios
Identity
This is about a group of strangers who all wind up at a hotel, and are picked off 1 by 1 by a killer. All the while, there is some maniac up for the death sentence and is 24 hours away from being offed, before they find a way to possibly get him off.
I liked this. I can't really say too much about the two stories connecting or anything, but lets just say all the shit happening in the hotel is much better off on its own, and thats the stuff that I was really digging. The other stuff got in the way and kinda ruined some of the movie for me.
Either way, theres some good who dunnit mystery going on and a what the hell is happening type action. Pretty cool stuff up until the movie is coming to its climax. At that point something took me out of the who dunnit mystery and it kind of lost its effect for me. I get it, and why its like that, but eh. Tired of that crap already.
I cant get into much without spoiling anything, but I would recommend this and say its worth a look.
3 and a half buttholes.
I liked this. I can't really say too much about the two stories connecting or anything, but lets just say all the shit happening in the hotel is much better off on its own, and thats the stuff that I was really digging. The other stuff got in the way and kinda ruined some of the movie for me.
Either way, theres some good who dunnit mystery going on and a what the hell is happening type action. Pretty cool stuff up until the movie is coming to its climax. At that point something took me out of the who dunnit mystery and it kind of lost its effect for me. I get it, and why its like that, but eh. Tired of that crap already.
I cant get into much without spoiling anything, but I would recommend this and say its worth a look.
3 and a half buttholes.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Shrek 3
Continuation of that fat ass Ogre and his zany adventures throughout the world of make believe. I have never seen the others, and didn't really want to see this one. I went in with an open mind however, so as to give it a fair chance.
Lame. The animation is very impressive in it and I thought it looked really nice, but that was about it. I had nothing else going on during a rainy night and the people I went with were looking forward to it. Hearing their opinions at the end made me know I wasn't just a negative jerk as they also weren't very impressed.
A lot of the stuff I've seen in other movies before. I don't know how many more movies are going to have the makeover scene for an ugly monster type and they wind up needed a sander or chizzle to cut their disgusting toenails. I liked it in Dumb and Dumber, haven't liked it since.
Most of the jokes and generic romantic elements were pretty lackluster and run of the mill. Even for kids, I can't imagine them being too hot on the movie. There were comments after the movie that it seemed like as opposed to one writer, there was a committee or something like that, as maybe there were too many chefs stirring the pot on this one. The story was very weak, very basic, and nothing too exciting at all.
Cameron Diaz annoys me regardless of what shes in. Mike Myers doing the Scottish voice has earned him tons of money, but thats three movies that I know of where that one voice plays a key element. Hes going to be Robin Williams someday and do the same 2 bits over and over. Hopefully he comes back with a nice, new, refreshing live action comedy without recycling a ton of shit again, because I think he's cool.
Justin Timberlakes an annoying weenie. Eddie Murphys lines all seemed so forced, contrived, and unfunny, but he was trying. Whatever, enough trash talk I suppose.
Lets just say it looks very pretty, but as far as animated fare goes in recent times, I stick with my opinion that the Incredibles is one of the best of the past 10 years.
This gets a 2 on the butthole-o-meter from me. Not completely shitty, but also not squeaky clean.
Lame. The animation is very impressive in it and I thought it looked really nice, but that was about it. I had nothing else going on during a rainy night and the people I went with were looking forward to it. Hearing their opinions at the end made me know I wasn't just a negative jerk as they also weren't very impressed.
A lot of the stuff I've seen in other movies before. I don't know how many more movies are going to have the makeover scene for an ugly monster type and they wind up needed a sander or chizzle to cut their disgusting toenails. I liked it in Dumb and Dumber, haven't liked it since.
Most of the jokes and generic romantic elements were pretty lackluster and run of the mill. Even for kids, I can't imagine them being too hot on the movie. There were comments after the movie that it seemed like as opposed to one writer, there was a committee or something like that, as maybe there were too many chefs stirring the pot on this one. The story was very weak, very basic, and nothing too exciting at all.
Cameron Diaz annoys me regardless of what shes in. Mike Myers doing the Scottish voice has earned him tons of money, but thats three movies that I know of where that one voice plays a key element. Hes going to be Robin Williams someday and do the same 2 bits over and over. Hopefully he comes back with a nice, new, refreshing live action comedy without recycling a ton of shit again, because I think he's cool.
Justin Timberlakes an annoying weenie. Eddie Murphys lines all seemed so forced, contrived, and unfunny, but he was trying. Whatever, enough trash talk I suppose.
Lets just say it looks very pretty, but as far as animated fare goes in recent times, I stick with my opinion that the Incredibles is one of the best of the past 10 years.
This gets a 2 on the butthole-o-meter from me. Not completely shitty, but also not squeaky clean.
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