This was a low budget zombie flick I heard about from Tommy. Obviously, its about zombies, and how they've taken over the world, and there is a zombie squad out there to eliminate them all. The squad runs into this crazy religious cult who keeps the zombies alive and they're all lunatics yadda yadda yadda.
This movie had some pretty good gore in it. It gives me hope that our gory scenes in White Heat are going to be pretty damn good. For a movie with such a low budget, there were so many people involved in it.
The acting was pretty horrible, and the story was even worse. The only thing that kept me entertained were the gore shots themselves.
On the dvd though, there was an extra feature about everybody 20 years later. I found that to be the most interesting thing on the whole disc. It really gives hope to me that all our shit we want to do, can catch on and gain a following, since apparently this movie is a big cult hit. Don't really know why.
2 buttholes. Wasn't too good, and I wound up dozing off towards the end.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Children of Men
This is the one about how civilization is on the downfall. Human beings are a dying breed as women are all infertile in the year 2027. All countries are falling apart and there are constant wars and political shit tossing all over the world, and then there is a miracle when a pregnant woman is found in London.
I liked the movie a lot. Even with all of the political undertones and all that jazz in it (which I usually can't stand in movies). But in all seriousness, the movie was entertaining and I was interested in seeing what would happen next.
There were some stellar action sequences that I assume were planned and ran through numerous times before actually shooting them. They go nonstop for a good ten minutes or so without a cut and they were very impressive.
The acting was cool, and Clive Owen has won me over in the few things I've seen him in. He's good. Michael Cain was a comic relief hippy activist who was good in his role as well. No complaints on the acting department on this one.
The art department and set designers also deserve a HUGE round of applause from everybody as they made you feel like you were in a wasteland. All of the scenery throughout the movie had the perfect amount of doom and gloom and trash and so on and so forth. They did a really good job creating a slum of a city and making you feel the despair that people are going through.
One part I liked while the characters were referencing the activism some of the people had done in their lives was when Clive Owen admits that he was into that shit to get chicks. That's what I think most young, "hip" college types get into that shit for in the first place. Maybe thats too judgemental on my behalf, but there are so many dickheads at my school who are so outspoken on politics and have no substance behind what they're saying. On the flipside of course, there are definately some that know the facts and have an idea about what they're talking about as well. Me personally, I'd prefer to keep politics out of everything, including these movie reviews so I should probably shut up about it now eh?
Whatever. I definately recommend the movie as there were some sweet ass action sequences, a cool story, some good acting, and an overall enjoyable movie. The only complaint I have however, is that most of the sequences where it felt like I should be on the edge of my seat for suspense purposes, I really wasn't. I'm not sure why either, but I just wasn't too caught up in the whole cat and mouse, running and hiding type deal.
In the end, 4 buttholes, definately check it out.
Fucking hippies.
I liked the movie a lot. Even with all of the political undertones and all that jazz in it (which I usually can't stand in movies). But in all seriousness, the movie was entertaining and I was interested in seeing what would happen next.
There were some stellar action sequences that I assume were planned and ran through numerous times before actually shooting them. They go nonstop for a good ten minutes or so without a cut and they were very impressive.
The acting was cool, and Clive Owen has won me over in the few things I've seen him in. He's good. Michael Cain was a comic relief hippy activist who was good in his role as well. No complaints on the acting department on this one.
The art department and set designers also deserve a HUGE round of applause from everybody as they made you feel like you were in a wasteland. All of the scenery throughout the movie had the perfect amount of doom and gloom and trash and so on and so forth. They did a really good job creating a slum of a city and making you feel the despair that people are going through.
One part I liked while the characters were referencing the activism some of the people had done in their lives was when Clive Owen admits that he was into that shit to get chicks. That's what I think most young, "hip" college types get into that shit for in the first place. Maybe thats too judgemental on my behalf, but there are so many dickheads at my school who are so outspoken on politics and have no substance behind what they're saying. On the flipside of course, there are definately some that know the facts and have an idea about what they're talking about as well. Me personally, I'd prefer to keep politics out of everything, including these movie reviews so I should probably shut up about it now eh?
Whatever. I definately recommend the movie as there were some sweet ass action sequences, a cool story, some good acting, and an overall enjoyable movie. The only complaint I have however, is that most of the sequences where it felt like I should be on the edge of my seat for suspense purposes, I really wasn't. I'm not sure why either, but I just wasn't too caught up in the whole cat and mouse, running and hiding type deal.
In the end, 4 buttholes, definately check it out.
Fucking hippies.
Turistas
I remember when I first saw the commercials for this, all I could think about was how big a ripoff it was of Hostel. I read an interview with the director and he seemed genuinely upset over the comparisons, as he hadnt even known of Hostel at the time they were shooting, and with that movies success, the marketing department pretty much cloned Hostel for the trailer.
That being said, Turistas is like watching Hostel in Brazil, only there is an actual reason behind the killings, as opposed to Hostel where its pretty much just sick fucks paying to experience murder. From the get go though, you know right away why the people are being kidnapped and cut up, so its no mystery when its happening.
The locations and visuals were pretty good. Brazil seems like a nice place to visit to check out hot women with fat asses wearing next to nothing.
The acting was alright, and the comic relief guys were anything but comic. I fount that most of the characters, I really didn't give a shit about, and it was very predictable as to who would get snuffed and what this person or that person would do. Nothing out of the ordinary in that aspect at all.
With apparently a smaller budget then they let on, they did some nice camera trickery, and creative shots to show they had a non existant helicopter, and a gun fight with little to no special effects. There were some other parts of the movie where better special effects would've helped immensely. A CGI body falling off a cliff looks pretty fucking cheesey if you ask me. At least throw a dummy off.
Anyhow, the story was alright, the suspense was nearly non existent, and as I said, the characters were just there.
Trying not to compare it to Hostel is tough, and believe me I tried. There are just too many similarities in my opinion, and with that I'd say this is just fluff compared to the real deal. This wasn't atrocious, but it also wasn't very great at all. Middle of the road thriller. If you're bored I guess I'd say check it out, but have Hostel on hand so you can compare and contrast, and actually enjoy yourself and get involved with the story of the more superior tourists getting slaughtered movie.
That being said, Turistas is like watching Hostel in Brazil, only there is an actual reason behind the killings, as opposed to Hostel where its pretty much just sick fucks paying to experience murder. From the get go though, you know right away why the people are being kidnapped and cut up, so its no mystery when its happening.
The locations and visuals were pretty good. Brazil seems like a nice place to visit to check out hot women with fat asses wearing next to nothing.
The acting was alright, and the comic relief guys were anything but comic. I fount that most of the characters, I really didn't give a shit about, and it was very predictable as to who would get snuffed and what this person or that person would do. Nothing out of the ordinary in that aspect at all.
With apparently a smaller budget then they let on, they did some nice camera trickery, and creative shots to show they had a non existant helicopter, and a gun fight with little to no special effects. There were some other parts of the movie where better special effects would've helped immensely. A CGI body falling off a cliff looks pretty fucking cheesey if you ask me. At least throw a dummy off.
Anyhow, the story was alright, the suspense was nearly non existent, and as I said, the characters were just there.
Trying not to compare it to Hostel is tough, and believe me I tried. There are just too many similarities in my opinion, and with that I'd say this is just fluff compared to the real deal. This wasn't atrocious, but it also wasn't very great at all. Middle of the road thriller. If you're bored I guess I'd say check it out, but have Hostel on hand so you can compare and contrast, and actually enjoy yourself and get involved with the story of the more superior tourists getting slaughtered movie.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Grindhouse
Throwback to the 70's cheesey B-movies with cheesey acting, bad puns, and ultra violence.
This was the brainchild of Robert Rodriguez, who is a complete jack of all trades. The guy is one of the smartest out there, and doesn't give a fuck about playing by the rules. I think this was a great idea, and so did Quentin Tarantino, so he jumped all over it as well and gets most of the credit.
First off is Rodriguez' flick, Planer Terror. A bunch of zombies are taking over, and all hell breaks loose as we find out whats going on. This was absolutely AWESOME. Everything about it was pretty damn sweet. It had great little jokes, very very cool gore in it (insane amounts, buckets of blood from the tiniest wounds), and a pretty fun group of characters to follow throughout the mayhem.
From top to bottom, I can't think of anything that was dissapointing about this, and it exceeded my expectations. There are so many cool visuals, and some unexpected twists and turns (not story wise, but just how people, and what people get liquified). There were plenty of terrible jokes that cracked the theatre up, and you can tell this was a complete homage to the horrible b movies of the 70's, hence the whole idea in the first place.
The acting was great, the dialogue and witty banter were hilarious, the special effects were VERY great, and just the over all fun and entertainment value was awesome. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
Preview before was for Machete with the incredibly ugly Danny Trejo. See the preview and one shot in particular makes him even uglier than normal. Very cool, cant wait to see the actual movie if it really goes straight to DVD.
Werewolf Women of the SS by Rob Zombie, not the best of the 4 fakes, but still impressive considering it was done in a couple of days. There wasn't too much to be excited about from this one in my opinion.
Don't, by the guys that did Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, was really funny with the slow narration, and comical visuals. I cracked up at it.
Finally Eli Roth's Thanksgiving was so rediculous, yet so good. The cheerleader doing the split on the trampoline was pure genius. Eli Roth is a sick bastard, and Thanksgiving would be a movie I'd check out for how rediculous it looked.
Then the big "main event" with Tarantino's Death Proof. Let me say before I get into this, I already thought this one looked like the weaker of the two movies, as most people did, but when it started, I had an open mind to give it a fair chance.
I shit you not, 30 fucking minutes into the movie and we are still listening to these obnoxious whores talking about absolutely nothing, getting incredible visuals of them talking about nothing, of their feet (who knew there'd be 50 foot shots in a Tarantino movie), and of the jukebox at the bar playing a new song every ten seconds. I swear if I had to see the records start playing on one more song I would've been so annoyed. It was like we were personally treated to Tarantinos favorite songs, and we had to sit there listening to bitch girls spewing annoying dialogue that he was probably blowing his load to while writing it.
Seriously, I know the guy is a "genius" when it comes to character development and witty "real" dialogue, but this was the most tedious piece of shit I've ever had to sit through. The dialogue made me not give two shits about the bitches, and made me wish they were dead already, or that there would be another Missing Reel, and Planet Terror would start back up.
Moving on, Kurt Russel as Stuntman Mike made the movie bearable. He was awesome, and without giving anything away, his first big scene, being the bad guy, was very very cool. Well done.
The only problem though, we got stuck with another ETERNITY of more EVEN MORE ANNOYING banter going back and forth from these fucking bitches. Let me say this as well. After Clerks 2, and this movie, Rosario Dawson has become one of my least favorite attractive chicks with humongous bouncy tits to watch. Her voice is annoying, she says fuck and swears really awkwardly and it seems so forced and acted, and over all, shes just grating. It wasn't just her either, as the Sassy Black Gangsta bitch was annoying, and the New Zealand bitch was atrocious as well.
So I don't know if I've gotten the point across yet, so let me say it again. The dialogue and character driven formula of this movie failed miserably, do to there being nothing interesting being said at all, and it all just seemed like filler for before the Stuntman Mike shit. This wasnt good banter like the guys at the restaraunt in Reservoir Dogs talking about tipping. I wish.
Anyhow, when Stuntman finally, THANKFULLY, comes back into play, the movie already feels like its been playing for 8 days and I want to see these twats get dominated. What follows is a cool car chase, and the climax, yadda yadda yadda.
It was bad. Not even because I think the guys his biggest fan either. It was so annoyingly bad that there were people that walked out half way through.
This one didn't have the charm, the atmosphere, or the audience participation that Planet Terror had, and to be honest, the constant talking seemed to take the wind out of everything, especially after something good did happen.
What was cool about Planet Terror was that it had a consistent 70's movie feel with the scratchy, grimey film look and it would stretch and become miscolored and shit, and there was a cool blow out of the film and a missing reel gag which worked. Whereas in Tarantino's, for the first 10 minutes it looks old and shitty, with intentionally bad editing and shit, but then its all forgotten and its a standard movie with no gimmicks to it. Then we are treated to a less creative Missing Reel sequence.
Whatever. Not to deter people or seem like I am down on the entire thing as a whole because I am not. I think the whole thing is a genius idea, and think there is definately an audience for more of these. More on the Terror side, less on the Death Proof side.
If people were going to watch, I'd go for the first half, the previews, and when Death Proof starts, I'd totally be walking out the door as well.
Planet Terror: 5 Buttholes for overall enjoyment and fun
Death Proof: Minus Kurt Russel, this was really treading in the Chocolate Factory shitty waters. 1.5 from me, maybe boosted to 2 buttholes because of a SICK crash sequence.
This was the brainchild of Robert Rodriguez, who is a complete jack of all trades. The guy is one of the smartest out there, and doesn't give a fuck about playing by the rules. I think this was a great idea, and so did Quentin Tarantino, so he jumped all over it as well and gets most of the credit.
First off is Rodriguez' flick, Planer Terror. A bunch of zombies are taking over, and all hell breaks loose as we find out whats going on. This was absolutely AWESOME. Everything about it was pretty damn sweet. It had great little jokes, very very cool gore in it (insane amounts, buckets of blood from the tiniest wounds), and a pretty fun group of characters to follow throughout the mayhem.
From top to bottom, I can't think of anything that was dissapointing about this, and it exceeded my expectations. There are so many cool visuals, and some unexpected twists and turns (not story wise, but just how people, and what people get liquified). There were plenty of terrible jokes that cracked the theatre up, and you can tell this was a complete homage to the horrible b movies of the 70's, hence the whole idea in the first place.
The acting was great, the dialogue and witty banter were hilarious, the special effects were VERY great, and just the over all fun and entertainment value was awesome. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
Preview before was for Machete with the incredibly ugly Danny Trejo. See the preview and one shot in particular makes him even uglier than normal. Very cool, cant wait to see the actual movie if it really goes straight to DVD.
Werewolf Women of the SS by Rob Zombie, not the best of the 4 fakes, but still impressive considering it was done in a couple of days. There wasn't too much to be excited about from this one in my opinion.
Don't, by the guys that did Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, was really funny with the slow narration, and comical visuals. I cracked up at it.
Finally Eli Roth's Thanksgiving was so rediculous, yet so good. The cheerleader doing the split on the trampoline was pure genius. Eli Roth is a sick bastard, and Thanksgiving would be a movie I'd check out for how rediculous it looked.
Then the big "main event" with Tarantino's Death Proof. Let me say before I get into this, I already thought this one looked like the weaker of the two movies, as most people did, but when it started, I had an open mind to give it a fair chance.
I shit you not, 30 fucking minutes into the movie and we are still listening to these obnoxious whores talking about absolutely nothing, getting incredible visuals of them talking about nothing, of their feet (who knew there'd be 50 foot shots in a Tarantino movie), and of the jukebox at the bar playing a new song every ten seconds. I swear if I had to see the records start playing on one more song I would've been so annoyed. It was like we were personally treated to Tarantinos favorite songs, and we had to sit there listening to bitch girls spewing annoying dialogue that he was probably blowing his load to while writing it.
Seriously, I know the guy is a "genius" when it comes to character development and witty "real" dialogue, but this was the most tedious piece of shit I've ever had to sit through. The dialogue made me not give two shits about the bitches, and made me wish they were dead already, or that there would be another Missing Reel, and Planet Terror would start back up.
Moving on, Kurt Russel as Stuntman Mike made the movie bearable. He was awesome, and without giving anything away, his first big scene, being the bad guy, was very very cool. Well done.
The only problem though, we got stuck with another ETERNITY of more EVEN MORE ANNOYING banter going back and forth from these fucking bitches. Let me say this as well. After Clerks 2, and this movie, Rosario Dawson has become one of my least favorite attractive chicks with humongous bouncy tits to watch. Her voice is annoying, she says fuck and swears really awkwardly and it seems so forced and acted, and over all, shes just grating. It wasn't just her either, as the Sassy Black Gangsta bitch was annoying, and the New Zealand bitch was atrocious as well.
So I don't know if I've gotten the point across yet, so let me say it again. The dialogue and character driven formula of this movie failed miserably, do to there being nothing interesting being said at all, and it all just seemed like filler for before the Stuntman Mike shit. This wasnt good banter like the guys at the restaraunt in Reservoir Dogs talking about tipping. I wish.
Anyhow, when Stuntman finally, THANKFULLY, comes back into play, the movie already feels like its been playing for 8 days and I want to see these twats get dominated. What follows is a cool car chase, and the climax, yadda yadda yadda.
It was bad. Not even because I think the guys his biggest fan either. It was so annoyingly bad that there were people that walked out half way through.
This one didn't have the charm, the atmosphere, or the audience participation that Planet Terror had, and to be honest, the constant talking seemed to take the wind out of everything, especially after something good did happen.
What was cool about Planet Terror was that it had a consistent 70's movie feel with the scratchy, grimey film look and it would stretch and become miscolored and shit, and there was a cool blow out of the film and a missing reel gag which worked. Whereas in Tarantino's, for the first 10 minutes it looks old and shitty, with intentionally bad editing and shit, but then its all forgotten and its a standard movie with no gimmicks to it. Then we are treated to a less creative Missing Reel sequence.
Whatever. Not to deter people or seem like I am down on the entire thing as a whole because I am not. I think the whole thing is a genius idea, and think there is definately an audience for more of these. More on the Terror side, less on the Death Proof side.
If people were going to watch, I'd go for the first half, the previews, and when Death Proof starts, I'd totally be walking out the door as well.
Planet Terror: 5 Buttholes for overall enjoyment and fun
Death Proof: Minus Kurt Russel, this was really treading in the Chocolate Factory shitty waters. 1.5 from me, maybe boosted to 2 buttholes because of a SICK crash sequence.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Disturbia
Sneak Preview of this one, starring that asshole Shia Lebouf from Disney channel, who is also going to annoy me in Transformers later this summer. Its about a kid under house arrest, who starts suspecting his neighbor is a serial killer responsible for the dissapearances of a few local women. Is it true? Or is it a bad case of cabin fever weighing on his mind?
This was a PG-13 affair, so I wasn't expecting much in the form of a horror/thriller. To a certain extent this was true, as there is barely any bloodshed in this, and literally no foul language aside from "shit", but that was about it. Since its also a youngsters affair, no nudity or anything, but theres some nice bikini action to go along with the worst part of the movie, the romantic interest.
Outside of the shitty relationship blossoming, and the HORRIBLE scene on the porch during the party, I thoroghly enjoyed the movie. I found it to be a pleasant surprise to be honest. It kept me interested throughout the entire movie, and made me want to know what was going to happen next.
The asian dude sidekick was the best part of the movie. He was awesome. Lebouf (if thats even how you spell it) wasn't half bad either. There are a few things, like one at the beginning in particular where the incident was overdone just a little bit, and would have been fine with the initial part of it. The opening however, was pretty cool.
Anyways, I don't have too much to say really, but I think for the crowd its going after, it will be a big hit with them. Very entertaining, and I am sure little teenage girls will totally get sucked into whats going on.
Definately recommend this one at the least on DVD, but if you don't mind seeing a scaled down thriller as far as violence goes, go to the theatre if you have a little brother/sister/nephew/neice who might get scared.
This was a PG-13 affair, so I wasn't expecting much in the form of a horror/thriller. To a certain extent this was true, as there is barely any bloodshed in this, and literally no foul language aside from "shit", but that was about it. Since its also a youngsters affair, no nudity or anything, but theres some nice bikini action to go along with the worst part of the movie, the romantic interest.
Outside of the shitty relationship blossoming, and the HORRIBLE scene on the porch during the party, I thoroghly enjoyed the movie. I found it to be a pleasant surprise to be honest. It kept me interested throughout the entire movie, and made me want to know what was going to happen next.
The asian dude sidekick was the best part of the movie. He was awesome. Lebouf (if thats even how you spell it) wasn't half bad either. There are a few things, like one at the beginning in particular where the incident was overdone just a little bit, and would have been fine with the initial part of it. The opening however, was pretty cool.
Anyways, I don't have too much to say really, but I think for the crowd its going after, it will be a big hit with them. Very entertaining, and I am sure little teenage girls will totally get sucked into whats going on.
Definately recommend this one at the least on DVD, but if you don't mind seeing a scaled down thriller as far as violence goes, go to the theatre if you have a little brother/sister/nephew/neice who might get scared.
Bloodrayne
This is a "prequel" to the video game series of the same name. Basically its a vampiress, who kills vampires. In this, she is trying to get revenge on her dad since he killed her mother, and he is trying to be an evil overlord who controls the world. Typical bogus storyline of good vs. evil, but what can you do?
Uwe Boll directed this, who is most famous for challenging movie critics to boxing matches after they rip his movies apart. For some reason, the guy wont stop making video games into movies, and he's given us such flops as House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. If you've seen House of the Dead, sorry, and if you haven't, DON'T! Not saying the guy sucks or anything, but man, how can you make House THAT bad?
Moving on to Bloodrayne. I wasn't expecting much, and rented it because it seemed like it MIGHT have potential, and I was right. The acting in it is pretty atrocious from all parties, aside from the chicks flopping their titties in Meat Loafs face. The accents were terrible, and the dialogue was horrific. Hearing Michael Madsen talk in this, along with Michelle Rodriguez trying to have an 18th century "OLDE TIME" accent was wretched.
For most of the movie, the story didn't keep me interested in the slightest. I got it, she wants to get revenge, and people are standing in the way and are hunting her and so on. It was a lame story, but what kept me interested were the gory action sequences. After seeing 300, the choreography of these sword fights pales in comparison, but what made them MORE enjoyable for me personally, were the awesome special effects they used with heads were being lopped off, and bodies being impaled. No digital shit, it was all prosthetics and corn syrup baby! There were some good ones too!
I enjoy that they took the time to make rubber heads, so they could collapse them and have the shoot gallons of blood from the holes. Thats what movies like this SHOULD do. There weren't a ton of these fights, but the ones there were, left a good enough impression on me that I can say story aside, acting aside, and pretty much everything that normally makes an enjoyable movie aside, this wasn't half bad.
Obviously it wont win any awards, and was probably ripped apart like everything else the guy puts out, but if you are sitting around the house with nothing to do and see that the movie is on, watch it and maybe you'll enjoy the action sequences, and the tit shots that are in the movie.
Not a masterpiece by any means, but also not in league with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I will give it 2.5 buttholes out of 5, but if the action wasn't as well done, I'd say don't bother. Entertained during action, bored during story.
Uwe Boll directed this, who is most famous for challenging movie critics to boxing matches after they rip his movies apart. For some reason, the guy wont stop making video games into movies, and he's given us such flops as House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. If you've seen House of the Dead, sorry, and if you haven't, DON'T! Not saying the guy sucks or anything, but man, how can you make House THAT bad?
Moving on to Bloodrayne. I wasn't expecting much, and rented it because it seemed like it MIGHT have potential, and I was right. The acting in it is pretty atrocious from all parties, aside from the chicks flopping their titties in Meat Loafs face. The accents were terrible, and the dialogue was horrific. Hearing Michael Madsen talk in this, along with Michelle Rodriguez trying to have an 18th century "OLDE TIME" accent was wretched.
For most of the movie, the story didn't keep me interested in the slightest. I got it, she wants to get revenge, and people are standing in the way and are hunting her and so on. It was a lame story, but what kept me interested were the gory action sequences. After seeing 300, the choreography of these sword fights pales in comparison, but what made them MORE enjoyable for me personally, were the awesome special effects they used with heads were being lopped off, and bodies being impaled. No digital shit, it was all prosthetics and corn syrup baby! There were some good ones too!
I enjoy that they took the time to make rubber heads, so they could collapse them and have the shoot gallons of blood from the holes. Thats what movies like this SHOULD do. There weren't a ton of these fights, but the ones there were, left a good enough impression on me that I can say story aside, acting aside, and pretty much everything that normally makes an enjoyable movie aside, this wasn't half bad.
Obviously it wont win any awards, and was probably ripped apart like everything else the guy puts out, but if you are sitting around the house with nothing to do and see that the movie is on, watch it and maybe you'll enjoy the action sequences, and the tit shots that are in the movie.
Not a masterpiece by any means, but also not in league with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I will give it 2.5 buttholes out of 5, but if the action wasn't as well done, I'd say don't bother. Entertained during action, bored during story.
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