Bloodrayne

This is a "prequel" to the video game series of the same name. Basically its a vampiress, who kills vampires. In this, she is trying to get revenge on her dad since he killed her mother, and he is trying to be an evil overlord who controls the world. Typical bogus storyline of good vs. evil, but what can you do?

Uwe Boll directed this, who is most famous for challenging movie critics to boxing matches after they rip his movies apart. For some reason, the guy wont stop making video games into movies, and he's given us such flops as House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. If you've seen House of the Dead, sorry, and if you haven't, DON'T! Not saying the guy sucks or anything, but man, how can you make House THAT bad?

Moving on to Bloodrayne. I wasn't expecting much, and rented it because it seemed like it MIGHT have potential, and I was right. The acting in it is pretty atrocious from all parties, aside from the chicks flopping their titties in Meat Loafs face. The accents were terrible, and the dialogue was horrific. Hearing Michael Madsen talk in this, along with Michelle Rodriguez trying to have an 18th century "OLDE TIME" accent was wretched.

For most of the movie, the story didn't keep me interested in the slightest. I got it, she wants to get revenge, and people are standing in the way and are hunting her and so on. It was a lame story, but what kept me interested were the gory action sequences. After seeing 300, the choreography of these sword fights pales in comparison, but what made them MORE enjoyable for me personally, were the awesome special effects they used with heads were being lopped off, and bodies being impaled. No digital shit, it was all prosthetics and corn syrup baby! There were some good ones too!

I enjoy that they took the time to make rubber heads, so they could collapse them and have the shoot gallons of blood from the holes. Thats what movies like this SHOULD do. There weren't a ton of these fights, but the ones there were, left a good enough impression on me that I can say story aside, acting aside, and pretty much everything that normally makes an enjoyable movie aside, this wasn't half bad.

Obviously it wont win any awards, and was probably ripped apart like everything else the guy puts out, but if you are sitting around the house with nothing to do and see that the movie is on, watch it and maybe you'll enjoy the action sequences, and the tit shots that are in the movie.

Not a masterpiece by any means, but also not in league with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I will give it 2.5 buttholes out of 5, but if the action wasn't as well done, I'd say don't bother. Entertained during action, bored during story.