Grindhouse

Throwback to the 70's cheesey B-movies with cheesey acting, bad puns, and ultra violence.

This was the brainchild of Robert Rodriguez, who is a complete jack of all trades. The guy is one of the smartest out there, and doesn't give a fuck about playing by the rules. I think this was a great idea, and so did Quentin Tarantino, so he jumped all over it as well and gets most of the credit.

First off is Rodriguez' flick, Planer Terror. A bunch of zombies are taking over, and all hell breaks loose as we find out whats going on. This was absolutely AWESOME. Everything about it was pretty damn sweet. It had great little jokes, very very cool gore in it (insane amounts, buckets of blood from the tiniest wounds), and a pretty fun group of characters to follow throughout the mayhem.

From top to bottom, I can't think of anything that was dissapointing about this, and it exceeded my expectations. There are so many cool visuals, and some unexpected twists and turns (not story wise, but just how people, and what people get liquified). There were plenty of terrible jokes that cracked the theatre up, and you can tell this was a complete homage to the horrible b movies of the 70's, hence the whole idea in the first place.

The acting was great, the dialogue and witty banter were hilarious, the special effects were VERY great, and just the over all fun and entertainment value was awesome. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

Preview before was for Machete with the incredibly ugly Danny Trejo. See the preview and one shot in particular makes him even uglier than normal. Very cool, cant wait to see the actual movie if it really goes straight to DVD.

Werewolf Women of the SS by Rob Zombie, not the best of the 4 fakes, but still impressive considering it was done in a couple of days. There wasn't too much to be excited about from this one in my opinion.

Don't, by the guys that did Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, was really funny with the slow narration, and comical visuals. I cracked up at it.

Finally Eli Roth's Thanksgiving was so rediculous, yet so good. The cheerleader doing the split on the trampoline was pure genius. Eli Roth is a sick bastard, and Thanksgiving would be a movie I'd check out for how rediculous it looked.

Then the big "main event" with Tarantino's Death Proof. Let me say before I get into this, I already thought this one looked like the weaker of the two movies, as most people did, but when it started, I had an open mind to give it a fair chance.

I shit you not, 30 fucking minutes into the movie and we are still listening to these obnoxious whores talking about absolutely nothing, getting incredible visuals of them talking about nothing, of their feet (who knew there'd be 50 foot shots in a Tarantino movie), and of the jukebox at the bar playing a new song every ten seconds. I swear if I had to see the records start playing on one more song I would've been so annoyed. It was like we were personally treated to Tarantinos favorite songs, and we had to sit there listening to bitch girls spewing annoying dialogue that he was probably blowing his load to while writing it.

Seriously, I know the guy is a "genius" when it comes to character development and witty "real" dialogue, but this was the most tedious piece of shit I've ever had to sit through. The dialogue made me not give two shits about the bitches, and made me wish they were dead already, or that there would be another Missing Reel, and Planet Terror would start back up.

Moving on, Kurt Russel as Stuntman Mike made the movie bearable. He was awesome, and without giving anything away, his first big scene, being the bad guy, was very very cool. Well done.

The only problem though, we got stuck with another ETERNITY of more EVEN MORE ANNOYING banter going back and forth from these fucking bitches. Let me say this as well. After Clerks 2, and this movie, Rosario Dawson has become one of my least favorite attractive chicks with humongous bouncy tits to watch. Her voice is annoying, she says fuck and swears really awkwardly and it seems so forced and acted, and over all, shes just grating. It wasn't just her either, as the Sassy Black Gangsta bitch was annoying, and the New Zealand bitch was atrocious as well.

So I don't know if I've gotten the point across yet, so let me say it again. The dialogue and character driven formula of this movie failed miserably, do to there being nothing interesting being said at all, and it all just seemed like filler for before the Stuntman Mike shit. This wasnt good banter like the guys at the restaraunt in Reservoir Dogs talking about tipping. I wish.

Anyhow, when Stuntman finally, THANKFULLY, comes back into play, the movie already feels like its been playing for 8 days and I want to see these twats get dominated. What follows is a cool car chase, and the climax, yadda yadda yadda.

It was bad. Not even because I think the guys his biggest fan either. It was so annoyingly bad that there were people that walked out half way through.

This one didn't have the charm, the atmosphere, or the audience participation that Planet Terror had, and to be honest, the constant talking seemed to take the wind out of everything, especially after something good did happen.

What was cool about Planet Terror was that it had a consistent 70's movie feel with the scratchy, grimey film look and it would stretch and become miscolored and shit, and there was a cool blow out of the film and a missing reel gag which worked. Whereas in Tarantino's, for the first 10 minutes it looks old and shitty, with intentionally bad editing and shit, but then its all forgotten and its a standard movie with no gimmicks to it. Then we are treated to a less creative Missing Reel sequence.

Whatever. Not to deter people or seem like I am down on the entire thing as a whole because I am not. I think the whole thing is a genius idea, and think there is definately an audience for more of these. More on the Terror side, less on the Death Proof side.

If people were going to watch, I'd go for the first half, the previews, and when Death Proof starts, I'd totally be walking out the door as well.

Planet Terror: 5 Buttholes for overall enjoyment and fun

Death Proof: Minus Kurt Russel, this was really treading in the Chocolate Factory shitty waters. 1.5 from me, maybe boosted to 2 buttholes because of a SICK crash sequence.