A bank heist is planned, with Joseph Gordon Levitt unknowingly being part of the plan until he is befriended by the bad guys. Jeff Daniels is his blind room mate who is similarly screwed up, as both have had accidents in their past to make living a normal life tough.
There is more to the story than that, but you get the idea.
The movie starts off kind of slow, with it more about establishing the characters of everybody in the movie, and driving the point home that the 3rd Rock From the Sun kid is fucked up because of the car accident he was in. Thinking back, with all of the character development, and one scene in particular in the coffee shop, I wish there was a payoff with him and the shrink lady, but we see her once and thats it.
Anyways, once the whole movie is set up, we get to the heist itself. This is where I became more interested, not that the other shit was bad, but I knew it was coming so I wanted to see it. This part moves by pretty quickly, maybe too quickly compared to the rest of the movie.
I dont really want to say much about it so as to not ruin anything, but there was some good action in there, nothing blow away. Some good acting, and Getty Lee from RUSH is one of the bad guys. Whether its really him or not, I am not sure.
Overall I liked the movie, didnt love it. I also dont know why people are blowing Levitt up to be the next big thing as I thought he was pretty good, but nothing blow away. I like him as an actor and all, I just hate when it seems like the big wigs are trying to push somebody as the next big thing, as opposed to it happening naturally.
3 and a half assholes out of 5. I'd say check it out if you have extra cash floating around, if not, wait two months and rent it. As I said, I liked it but didnt love it.
Jeff Daniels was good though. I think its the first thing I've seen him in since Dumb and Dumber. I am sure thats not true, but I cant remember anything since.
COMING SOON: Bloodrayne, Turistas, Children of Men, Shooter (with Marky Mark, not the biography of Shooter McGavin)
Friday, March 30, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Versus
This is a Japanese movie, which sounded great when you hear it's a gore fest, zombie apocolypse type deal, but man, was it a dissapointment.
Apparently, there is a forest of resurrection, where people can be brought back to life, which explains all of the zombies. So a gun fight erupts and some pretty bad martial arts fights happen right away, but it wasn't very interesting.
A lot of the scenes where it seemed like I was in for some sick gory action, it was cut. I don't know what the deal is because it was obviously supposed to be pretty gory, and you could tell. This was frustrating, because with how slow, how uninteresting, and how bored I was watching, the gore could have at least made it an enjoyable watch.
For the first hour of the movie, I was still confused about what the hell was going on. Why were people chasing the main guy and the kidnapped girl? What is the deal with the bad guy that showed up later in the movie, and kept being built up as the scariest guy around? Eh. I really didn't give two shits at all. I also was uninterested in more of the same. The whole movie took place just in the forest. There was never another location. There was nothing remotely interesting, aside from the wonder I had of what the gore scenes SHOULD have looked like.
I have pretty much nothing positive to say about this, and to say I was dissapointed is an understatement. Especially knowing how gory it probably was. The dubbed voices were terrible too. It sounded like it was a one man show with one person doing all the dude voices and a chick was brought it briefly.
I'll give it a butthole. Just one, and its covered in flaring hemerrhoids. Even the worst of movies get a hole for it being a movie. All except Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, thats the shittiest movie I've seen in a long time.
Not a recommended pick
Apparently, there is a forest of resurrection, where people can be brought back to life, which explains all of the zombies. So a gun fight erupts and some pretty bad martial arts fights happen right away, but it wasn't very interesting.
A lot of the scenes where it seemed like I was in for some sick gory action, it was cut. I don't know what the deal is because it was obviously supposed to be pretty gory, and you could tell. This was frustrating, because with how slow, how uninteresting, and how bored I was watching, the gore could have at least made it an enjoyable watch.
For the first hour of the movie, I was still confused about what the hell was going on. Why were people chasing the main guy and the kidnapped girl? What is the deal with the bad guy that showed up later in the movie, and kept being built up as the scariest guy around? Eh. I really didn't give two shits at all. I also was uninterested in more of the same. The whole movie took place just in the forest. There was never another location. There was nothing remotely interesting, aside from the wonder I had of what the gore scenes SHOULD have looked like.
I have pretty much nothing positive to say about this, and to say I was dissapointed is an understatement. Especially knowing how gory it probably was. The dubbed voices were terrible too. It sounded like it was a one man show with one person doing all the dude voices and a chick was brought it briefly.
I'll give it a butthole. Just one, and its covered in flaring hemerrhoids. Even the worst of movies get a hole for it being a movie. All except Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, thats the shittiest movie I've seen in a long time.
Not a recommended pick
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
I remember seeing previews for this a while back and thinking it looked decent enough, so I got it sent to me through Blockbuster and it was a treat to watch.
Basically, Robert Downey Jr. is a petty criminal, he is about to get caught when he stumbles into an acting audition. The role he is supposed to unknowingly read for, is the same scenario which he is in at that moment. He impresses the people, and is on his way to LA for fame and fortune in the movie business. When he gets there, he is teamed with Val Kilmer (Gay Perry) as he is going to let him work with him as a detective type doing surveillance work etc. etc. Murders pile up, and they try to frame Jr., and the movie goes from there.
As I said above, this was a treat. I thought it was going to be decent enough, but it turned into a surprisingly funny, smart dark comedy. It is narrated by Downey to explain the set up and all that jazz, and has lots of jokes about Hollywood, the movie business and all that shit when it starts off. At first I thought that was kind of annoying, but it grew on me by the end.
The acting in it was really good. Downey and Kilmer characters played off of each really well and there were numerous times in the movie where I was laughing out loud at some of the situations, and lines that happened in the movie. Shane Black (the guy who got paid a SHITLOAD of money for Lethal Weapon) wrote a very clever, very funny movie. Not funny in the usual sense that I appreciate, but this was good stuff.
I know Downey being a drug addict and Kilmer being a fat, washed up bum has been everybodys opinions of them in recent years, but both were very very good in this. The girl in it, Michelle Monaghan was pretty good in it too. Not only that, she flaunts her jugs seriously, and also in one of the parts that made me crack up.
It turned into a pretty good murder mystery from the first appearance of a stiff. There were enough twists and turns and the like, and I was totally expecting one person to be involved, but they wound up not, etc. etc.
There was some decent gun play in the movie, and some really comical parts involving said gun play. The funniest part for me, is the pissing scene Downey has, and I don't want to give away anything with it, but I cracked up. Other stuff involving his hand (which if you watch it, you'll know what I mean) were really funny as well.
Over all I was very impressed, and at the same time after watching it, wondering how such a good watch of a movie, pretty much went by the wayside when it came out. Either way, for a good 100 minutes of enjoyable, funny, mystery movie, I definately recommend it and give it 4.5 out of 5 assholes.
Don't let my opinion hype this up too much for you if you see it, but I really enjoyed it and thought it was a fun flick.
Basically, Robert Downey Jr. is a petty criminal, he is about to get caught when he stumbles into an acting audition. The role he is supposed to unknowingly read for, is the same scenario which he is in at that moment. He impresses the people, and is on his way to LA for fame and fortune in the movie business. When he gets there, he is teamed with Val Kilmer (Gay Perry) as he is going to let him work with him as a detective type doing surveillance work etc. etc. Murders pile up, and they try to frame Jr., and the movie goes from there.
As I said above, this was a treat. I thought it was going to be decent enough, but it turned into a surprisingly funny, smart dark comedy. It is narrated by Downey to explain the set up and all that jazz, and has lots of jokes about Hollywood, the movie business and all that shit when it starts off. At first I thought that was kind of annoying, but it grew on me by the end.
The acting in it was really good. Downey and Kilmer characters played off of each really well and there were numerous times in the movie where I was laughing out loud at some of the situations, and lines that happened in the movie. Shane Black (the guy who got paid a SHITLOAD of money for Lethal Weapon) wrote a very clever, very funny movie. Not funny in the usual sense that I appreciate, but this was good stuff.
I know Downey being a drug addict and Kilmer being a fat, washed up bum has been everybodys opinions of them in recent years, but both were very very good in this. The girl in it, Michelle Monaghan was pretty good in it too. Not only that, she flaunts her jugs seriously, and also in one of the parts that made me crack up.
It turned into a pretty good murder mystery from the first appearance of a stiff. There were enough twists and turns and the like, and I was totally expecting one person to be involved, but they wound up not, etc. etc.
There was some decent gun play in the movie, and some really comical parts involving said gun play. The funniest part for me, is the pissing scene Downey has, and I don't want to give away anything with it, but I cracked up. Other stuff involving his hand (which if you watch it, you'll know what I mean) were really funny as well.
Over all I was very impressed, and at the same time after watching it, wondering how such a good watch of a movie, pretty much went by the wayside when it came out. Either way, for a good 100 minutes of enjoyable, funny, mystery movie, I definately recommend it and give it 4.5 out of 5 assholes.
Don't let my opinion hype this up too much for you if you see it, but I really enjoyed it and thought it was a fun flick.
TMNT
Seeing as I was a kid when this was first coming out, this was a nice nostalgia/memory lane type deal for me. The Turtles are back for the new generation of kids, and they look better than ever. There is something going on in the city, where a group of stone statues come alive and are gathering a gang of monsters, all for a possibly world take over. The Turtles, with troubles brewing on the inside, need to come together and save the day.
As I said, they look better than ever. I am really glad they went with an animated take on the characters, because they can really excel and go way over board with what they can do, as opposed to being limited by what real actors can do. The animation was very nice, slick, and beyond detailed. There is one very memorable scene, which I have seen has been talked about else where as well. There is a fight on a rooftop in the rain, and it is very cool. Awesome actually.
The story itself is cool enough, and we even get to see the remnants of the Foot Clan get involved, as they are trying to help gather up all of the Monsters running through NYC. Leonardo needs to come back from his years worth of training, to make sure the Turtles can come together, and to be a better leader. Raphael, being the prick he is, doesn't take too kindly to the situation and of course this causes in house feuding.
Anyways, the Turtles themselves were cool. I liked Leo, love Michaelangelo (favorite since I was a kid), and Donatello is not bad. I can't stand Raph, and I hated him as a kid too. I know he is supposed to be the short tempered asshole and all that, and that's fine. My main complaint with him in this one, is the fact that his voice just doesn't fit with the other Turtles. I think it was bad casting because all the others sound like teenagers, then Raph sounds like a middle aged, angry New Yorker. You'd have no idea he was supposed to be younger than Leo, aside from the fact they say it. His voice was the worst, and the only one I have a complaint about.
The action was pretty good, with some decent fights, and cool enough action sequences. Not too violent as there is no blood or anything, but I wasn't expecting any. My biggest complaint about the violence factor in the movie and all that jazz is the fact that I don't recall seeing Michaelangelos nunchucks more than a brief glimpse. I had heard that there was speculation that they were trying to phase them out for whatever reason. Too violent maybe? But I dont see how that has an argument as Raph has two razor sharp Sai'sn and Leo has his humongous swords to slash people around with. Can't see how two swinging sticks are more impressionable on kids than razor sharp blades.
Mike was there solely for comic relief, and he only had a couple of jokes. He had a good skate boarding sequence and was pretty much the same as always. Him and Donatello were pretty much background players in this, and for new kids to the movie, they might not have a big impression of the two, as it mainly focused on Raph and Leo. Splinter was as handsome as ever, as he has a nice humongous Japanese gotee hanging off his chin. For me though, one of the weirdest character changes was with KC Jones. He is banging April O'Neill, and it seems like he is completely pussy whipped by her. He comes off as a bumbling idiot who is also a night time vigilante.
What can you do? Aside from those small complaints, and me wishing Shredder and Krang were in the mix, I loved it. I was a complete kid watching it, laughing at Mikes bad jokes and the dumb little things in there. I was genuinely interested in knowing what was going to happen, and wanted to see all of the conflict resolved.
Very good in my opinion, and I will give it 4 and a half out of 5 buttholes.
I also like the opening for the sequel too, and will watch it when it comes out. Good to see something I grew up loving, is back in full effect appealing to a whole new group of kids. So good.
As I said, they look better than ever. I am really glad they went with an animated take on the characters, because they can really excel and go way over board with what they can do, as opposed to being limited by what real actors can do. The animation was very nice, slick, and beyond detailed. There is one very memorable scene, which I have seen has been talked about else where as well. There is a fight on a rooftop in the rain, and it is very cool. Awesome actually.
The story itself is cool enough, and we even get to see the remnants of the Foot Clan get involved, as they are trying to help gather up all of the Monsters running through NYC. Leonardo needs to come back from his years worth of training, to make sure the Turtles can come together, and to be a better leader. Raphael, being the prick he is, doesn't take too kindly to the situation and of course this causes in house feuding.
Anyways, the Turtles themselves were cool. I liked Leo, love Michaelangelo (favorite since I was a kid), and Donatello is not bad. I can't stand Raph, and I hated him as a kid too. I know he is supposed to be the short tempered asshole and all that, and that's fine. My main complaint with him in this one, is the fact that his voice just doesn't fit with the other Turtles. I think it was bad casting because all the others sound like teenagers, then Raph sounds like a middle aged, angry New Yorker. You'd have no idea he was supposed to be younger than Leo, aside from the fact they say it. His voice was the worst, and the only one I have a complaint about.
The action was pretty good, with some decent fights, and cool enough action sequences. Not too violent as there is no blood or anything, but I wasn't expecting any. My biggest complaint about the violence factor in the movie and all that jazz is the fact that I don't recall seeing Michaelangelos nunchucks more than a brief glimpse. I had heard that there was speculation that they were trying to phase them out for whatever reason. Too violent maybe? But I dont see how that has an argument as Raph has two razor sharp Sai'sn and Leo has his humongous swords to slash people around with. Can't see how two swinging sticks are more impressionable on kids than razor sharp blades.
Mike was there solely for comic relief, and he only had a couple of jokes. He had a good skate boarding sequence and was pretty much the same as always. Him and Donatello were pretty much background players in this, and for new kids to the movie, they might not have a big impression of the two, as it mainly focused on Raph and Leo. Splinter was as handsome as ever, as he has a nice humongous Japanese gotee hanging off his chin. For me though, one of the weirdest character changes was with KC Jones. He is banging April O'Neill, and it seems like he is completely pussy whipped by her. He comes off as a bumbling idiot who is also a night time vigilante.
What can you do? Aside from those small complaints, and me wishing Shredder and Krang were in the mix, I loved it. I was a complete kid watching it, laughing at Mikes bad jokes and the dumb little things in there. I was genuinely interested in knowing what was going to happen, and wanted to see all of the conflict resolved.
Very good in my opinion, and I will give it 4 and a half out of 5 buttholes.
I also like the opening for the sequel too, and will watch it when it comes out. Good to see something I grew up loving, is back in full effect appealing to a whole new group of kids. So good.
Dead Silence
The first trip outside of the SAW world by James Wan and Leigh Whannell, focuses on a ghost story about a ventriloquist, whos dummies may or may not be alive, murdering people and ripping tongues out if they scream.
The movie had some cool visuals, the dummies are creepy, and Mary Shaw herself is a decent enough villain. I heard a reference to her as "Freddy Kruger with tits" and I guess you could say thats true.
Anyways, as I said, the dummies are creepy, and the main one, Billy, is used pretty good. The acting and the story is pretty one dimensional. What you see is what you get as far as, "My wife was murdered, and I want to find out what the dolls had to do with it" and thats that.
Donnie Wahlberg is a cop in this one, just like Saw 2, but he was able to be funny in this one as opposed to completely pissed off. The sets were nice, characters were pretty eh, and the stupid poem they keep reciting was just that, stupid.
As far as gore goes, there isn't that much in the movie, aside from a few tongues ripped out with minimal blood, so it is weird that the movie got an R rating, when it could've been easily a PG-13. There was barely any bad language in it either, and no tits.
Usually, with a PG-13 horror flick, you are expecting a dissapointment, but since this was an R, I was expecting buckets of blood, murderous dummies, and tits being chopped off and put in hamburger buns for everybody. Instead we get an alright story, with some legitimate creepy moments, and a twist I wasn't really expecting. I liked the twist by the way, I thought it was pretty cool.
For me personally, the best element of the movie was the music, and then when something bad is going to happen, the lack thereof. First off, the opening credits start off strongly with blueprints for making the dolls, and Charlie Clouser, who scored the Saw movies, strikes hard again with a solid opening theme that reappears throughout the movie. Then when something bad is going to happen, instead of going for the cheap suspense music, everything goes silent, which fits with the movies title.
Final say, I will give it a 3 out of 5 because I liked it, didn't love it. I think after the opening situation with the initial murder, the movie drags on without anything really good happening till almost the end. If they padded the middle with some more meat to work with, it would've been bumped up for me, but it really just took too long.
Best cameo appearance, the dolls from Saw is sitting on the floor near the end.
The movie had some cool visuals, the dummies are creepy, and Mary Shaw herself is a decent enough villain. I heard a reference to her as "Freddy Kruger with tits" and I guess you could say thats true.
Anyways, as I said, the dummies are creepy, and the main one, Billy, is used pretty good. The acting and the story is pretty one dimensional. What you see is what you get as far as, "My wife was murdered, and I want to find out what the dolls had to do with it" and thats that.
Donnie Wahlberg is a cop in this one, just like Saw 2, but he was able to be funny in this one as opposed to completely pissed off. The sets were nice, characters were pretty eh, and the stupid poem they keep reciting was just that, stupid.
As far as gore goes, there isn't that much in the movie, aside from a few tongues ripped out with minimal blood, so it is weird that the movie got an R rating, when it could've been easily a PG-13. There was barely any bad language in it either, and no tits.
Usually, with a PG-13 horror flick, you are expecting a dissapointment, but since this was an R, I was expecting buckets of blood, murderous dummies, and tits being chopped off and put in hamburger buns for everybody. Instead we get an alright story, with some legitimate creepy moments, and a twist I wasn't really expecting. I liked the twist by the way, I thought it was pretty cool.
For me personally, the best element of the movie was the music, and then when something bad is going to happen, the lack thereof. First off, the opening credits start off strongly with blueprints for making the dolls, and Charlie Clouser, who scored the Saw movies, strikes hard again with a solid opening theme that reappears throughout the movie. Then when something bad is going to happen, instead of going for the cheap suspense music, everything goes silent, which fits with the movies title.
Final say, I will give it a 3 out of 5 because I liked it, didn't love it. I think after the opening situation with the initial murder, the movie drags on without anything really good happening till almost the end. If they padded the middle with some more meat to work with, it would've been bumped up for me, but it really just took too long.
Best cameo appearance, the dolls from Saw is sitting on the floor near the end.
Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
The third movie in the franchise, this one revolves around a troubled 17 year old who gets into trouble for a massive car wreck. He is sent off to live with his military father in Japan where he has one last chance to turn his life around, or get thrown in jail.
So of course he gets mixed up with the wrong people right away and gets into the mix with the Yakuza, the Yakuza's hot girlfriend, and a group of people (his asian sidekick and the annoying Lil' Bow Wow) teaching him to "Drift" so he can race the main asshole again.
First off, in the opening scene it was nice to see Zachary Ty Bryan from Home Improvement back in the spotlight. Best actor of his generation right there. Secondly, the main character who is supposed to be 17, is the complete wrong choice. Right away it looks as if he's been kept back 10 times to still be in highschool. He looks ancient, and is obviously an old fart that shits his pants. 17 my ass.
Lots of the story was pretty generic and cliche, along with most of the characters being pretty one dimensional. The first glimpse of certain people, you already know their agendas and exactly what is going to happen. The main bad guy especially, once you see him, you know you're in for 90 minutes of his head tilted, staring, and giving off his "bad guy" vibe.
Whatever, I didn't really watch this for the story, and anybody who does is obviously going to rip the movie to shreds. I watched for the action packed races, cool effects, and visuals of Tokyo. Being able to do so, let me enjoy the story for what it is, a backdrop for said characteristics I just explained.
The races were good, and they were well planned out. Its obvious from the beginning how the ending of the movie is going to turn out, but the race sequences were very entertaining. The special effects for the races were pretty good too. The movies budget for cars alone is more than I will ever see in three lifetimes to be honest.
The acting was pretty shitty on all behalfs, aside from Brad Taylor of course. Lil' Bow Wow has gone from shitty rapper, to shitty rapper/actor. He stinks. The main villain, as mentioned, was pretty lame and had the tiniest nose I've ever seen which bugged the hell out of me. Main character, aside from being 78 years old and having a shitty southern accent, played his part as good as he could. The love interest was smoking hot, and that was her job.
For brainless fun for two hours, escapist entertainment, I recommend the movie just for the races alone. If you're a car fan you probably want to watch it anyways. Not the best of the three movies by any means, but it wasn't terrible at all.
I'll give it 3 out of 5, because it was pretty good, nothing blow away.
Can't wait to visit Tokyo myself to spread the word of Lawson personally.
So of course he gets mixed up with the wrong people right away and gets into the mix with the Yakuza, the Yakuza's hot girlfriend, and a group of people (his asian sidekick and the annoying Lil' Bow Wow) teaching him to "Drift" so he can race the main asshole again.
First off, in the opening scene it was nice to see Zachary Ty Bryan from Home Improvement back in the spotlight. Best actor of his generation right there. Secondly, the main character who is supposed to be 17, is the complete wrong choice. Right away it looks as if he's been kept back 10 times to still be in highschool. He looks ancient, and is obviously an old fart that shits his pants. 17 my ass.
Lots of the story was pretty generic and cliche, along with most of the characters being pretty one dimensional. The first glimpse of certain people, you already know their agendas and exactly what is going to happen. The main bad guy especially, once you see him, you know you're in for 90 minutes of his head tilted, staring, and giving off his "bad guy" vibe.
Whatever, I didn't really watch this for the story, and anybody who does is obviously going to rip the movie to shreds. I watched for the action packed races, cool effects, and visuals of Tokyo. Being able to do so, let me enjoy the story for what it is, a backdrop for said characteristics I just explained.
The races were good, and they were well planned out. Its obvious from the beginning how the ending of the movie is going to turn out, but the race sequences were very entertaining. The special effects for the races were pretty good too. The movies budget for cars alone is more than I will ever see in three lifetimes to be honest.
The acting was pretty shitty on all behalfs, aside from Brad Taylor of course. Lil' Bow Wow has gone from shitty rapper, to shitty rapper/actor. He stinks. The main villain, as mentioned, was pretty lame and had the tiniest nose I've ever seen which bugged the hell out of me. Main character, aside from being 78 years old and having a shitty southern accent, played his part as good as he could. The love interest was smoking hot, and that was her job.
For brainless fun for two hours, escapist entertainment, I recommend the movie just for the races alone. If you're a car fan you probably want to watch it anyways. Not the best of the three movies by any means, but it wasn't terrible at all.
I'll give it 3 out of 5, because it was pretty good, nothing blow away.
Can't wait to visit Tokyo myself to spread the word of Lawson personally.
Feast
This is the latest movie spawned from the Project Greenlight banner, and is about a group of civilians trapped inside of a bar, trying to survive an attack from a group of alien type beasts who are hungry for blood. It was what I expected and more, from a movie with the basic premise being survival from the monsters ala Night of the Living Dead.
The gore in the movie was surprisingly great, and plentiful. Lots of good legitimate effects using prosthetics and liquids as opposed to CGI blood which is always lame. Faces ripped off, heads exploding, decapitations, a flacid alien dick flopping around and so much more. The gore and violence was superb.
The story itself was good for what it is. People holed up in a bar, trying to fend off nasty monsters. I watched this the other day, and I still don't know that there was ever any reason given as to why these beasts were attacking the people, but I don't really care in the end. It played out as an enjoyable hour and a half of watching people being ripped to shreds by these blood thirsty ghouls.
The acting went from pretty decent for some people, to incredibly annoying from others. The bar owner, who looks like Vinnie Paul from Pantera was a cool scumbag. Him and the main girl stand out the most for me as far as the least annoying. The guy that takes the cake for over acting, and being overly not funny for a supposed "hilarious comedian", is that douchebag from all the "I love the insert years here" series on VH1.
Why Judah Friedlander is in anything is beyond comprehension for me. He was obnoxious and annoying as the oblivious cool dude stoner character. He was supposed to be comic relief, but he didn't get the memo and stunk up the screen. I had no idea he was even in the movie so when I saw him I said maybe he will be alright...... SIKE! He is bogus, and he is my main complaint about the movie. He's on the terrible show 30 Rock on NBC that over rated Tina Fey writes, and he sucks in that too. My nuts could wear a trucker hat and have bad sideburns and replace this guy perfectly.
Overall though, since this post was mostly to bash that douchebag, the movie was cool. I enjoyed it. If you like movies where people are trapped inside a place, trying to fend off "the bad guys" while being killed in impressive ways, check it out. If you are an asshole who loves the art form of "film making", eat shit and go watch the Science of Sleep.
Fun movie, 4 out of 5 nasty assholes.
The gore in the movie was surprisingly great, and plentiful. Lots of good legitimate effects using prosthetics and liquids as opposed to CGI blood which is always lame. Faces ripped off, heads exploding, decapitations, a flacid alien dick flopping around and so much more. The gore and violence was superb.
The story itself was good for what it is. People holed up in a bar, trying to fend off nasty monsters. I watched this the other day, and I still don't know that there was ever any reason given as to why these beasts were attacking the people, but I don't really care in the end. It played out as an enjoyable hour and a half of watching people being ripped to shreds by these blood thirsty ghouls.
The acting went from pretty decent for some people, to incredibly annoying from others. The bar owner, who looks like Vinnie Paul from Pantera was a cool scumbag. Him and the main girl stand out the most for me as far as the least annoying. The guy that takes the cake for over acting, and being overly not funny for a supposed "hilarious comedian", is that douchebag from all the "I love the insert years here" series on VH1.
Why Judah Friedlander is in anything is beyond comprehension for me. He was obnoxious and annoying as the oblivious cool dude stoner character. He was supposed to be comic relief, but he didn't get the memo and stunk up the screen. I had no idea he was even in the movie so when I saw him I said maybe he will be alright...... SIKE! He is bogus, and he is my main complaint about the movie. He's on the terrible show 30 Rock on NBC that over rated Tina Fey writes, and he sucks in that too. My nuts could wear a trucker hat and have bad sideburns and replace this guy perfectly.
Overall though, since this post was mostly to bash that douchebag, the movie was cool. I enjoyed it. If you like movies where people are trapped inside a place, trying to fend off "the bad guys" while being killed in impressive ways, check it out. If you are an asshole who loves the art form of "film making", eat shit and go watch the Science of Sleep.
Fun movie, 4 out of 5 nasty assholes.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Borat
Since the never ending hype machine has finally died down about this movie, I sat with Tommy and The Ogre to watch this the other night. Months and months of shitheads saying its the funniest movie ever, funniest movie of the year, Borat is so funny he cures cancer etc. etc., this movie had a lot of hype. I stepped back and took it in trying to disregard all that trash talk, and wound up enjoying it for what it is.
While its supposed to be documentary style and hidden camera and everything, there is only one scene in the movie that I don't buy at all. When he is on the train trying to kiss everybody, there seemed to be five or six different camera angles of what was going on. How can we believe that a train full of New Yorkers didnt see them and weren't in on that? Other than that one thing, everything else worked for me.
I thought a lot of the jokes were funny, and there was much to do about nothing when it comes to how "controversial" the movie was or how the people were duped into saying "horrible things". Personally, I was expecting a lot worse, especially from the college kids who tried to sue, and thought was they said should be taken for what it is, an opinion on the current life situation in America.
The first hour or so breezed by and had an abundance of chuckles, with a few serious crack up moments for me, but after the naked wrestling match, it lost some of it. The naked wrestling match was pretty disgusting too. The fat guys nuts probably reeked of cabbage dipped in shit sauce. Nasty.
Over all though, I wound up enjoying it and was glad I watched it. I'll give it 3 and a half of the 5 buttholes, but I will give Sacha Baron Cohen credit as he plays the part really good and was entertaining throughout. Good return on some of the set ups for the jokes. The best being the "Not" joke with Pam Anderson.
I do disagree that its the funniest movie ever, and in my opinion it wasnt even the funniest movie of last year as Beerfest and Jackass 2 stand out as funnier for me. Jackass was more shocking too. So if you dont buy into the hype that its the funniest movie since Weekend at Bernies, you will be like me and be pleasantly surprised, and entertained for 80 minutes.
Be sure to watch the special features too. Specifically the Baywatch thing, the supermarket (Tom Green anyone? He is considered a retard for doing this shit and Cohen is a comic genius), and the massage scene. All funny.
While its supposed to be documentary style and hidden camera and everything, there is only one scene in the movie that I don't buy at all. When he is on the train trying to kiss everybody, there seemed to be five or six different camera angles of what was going on. How can we believe that a train full of New Yorkers didnt see them and weren't in on that? Other than that one thing, everything else worked for me.
I thought a lot of the jokes were funny, and there was much to do about nothing when it comes to how "controversial" the movie was or how the people were duped into saying "horrible things". Personally, I was expecting a lot worse, especially from the college kids who tried to sue, and thought was they said should be taken for what it is, an opinion on the current life situation in America.
The first hour or so breezed by and had an abundance of chuckles, with a few serious crack up moments for me, but after the naked wrestling match, it lost some of it. The naked wrestling match was pretty disgusting too. The fat guys nuts probably reeked of cabbage dipped in shit sauce. Nasty.
Over all though, I wound up enjoying it and was glad I watched it. I'll give it 3 and a half of the 5 buttholes, but I will give Sacha Baron Cohen credit as he plays the part really good and was entertaining throughout. Good return on some of the set ups for the jokes. The best being the "Not" joke with Pam Anderson.
I do disagree that its the funniest movie ever, and in my opinion it wasnt even the funniest movie of last year as Beerfest and Jackass 2 stand out as funnier for me. Jackass was more shocking too. So if you dont buy into the hype that its the funniest movie since Weekend at Bernies, you will be like me and be pleasantly surprised, and entertained for 80 minutes.
Be sure to watch the special features too. Specifically the Baywatch thing, the supermarket (Tom Green anyone? He is considered a retard for doing this shit and Cohen is a comic genius), and the massage scene. All funny.
Casino Royale
I've never seen such a shitstorm from a fan base as last year when they announced the replacement for Pierce Brosnan in the Bond series. They are as bad as Trekkies and Star Wars geeks when it comes to the passion they have for the movies. Either way, in my opinion it was a bunch of complaining for nothing because Daniel Craig was pretty damn cool as 007.
I am not the biggest Bond fan to begin with, but this movie was very cool. After the opening credits rolls, theres a great 10 minute chase scene incorporating Parkour (the French sport with the fancy running, and jumping), and the thing is awesome. It starts the movie out with a pretty good action sequence that just keeps going, and shows that the new Bond isn't a panty waste.
All the action in the movie was fun to watch, and I wish it just kept going. The whole first 60 minutes of the movie breezed by until Bond is set up with his new bitch to play his wife, where it drags on for 10 or 15 minutes as their relationship is introduced and we see he wants to touch her butt and she's not into it. Then the movie picks back up when Bond enters a highstakes poker game where this creep that cries blood is betting with other peoples investment money.
As boring as I think poker is, and I wish the whole TV show poker phenomenon would finally die down, the card scenes were good to watch. There was enough to them that they werent boring, and the new Bond chick was showing off some mega cleavage which was fine with me.
When I thought the movie was over, it picked back up again and took on another 20 minutes of swerves and action sequences. The final runtime was almost two and a half hours, and I think they could have shortened it a tad, but I am not complaining. I liked the movie and thought it was leagues better than Die Another Day. I think Craig is a smoother, more believable Bond than Brosnan too. Personally, I think he's a punk bitch since he let Mrs. Doubtfire toss a lime off his head and didn't do shit about it.
4 out of 5 sloppy, filthy buttholes. I am actually looking forward to Craigs next turn as Bond to watch him kick the shit out/throw his dick in some more assholes.
I am not the biggest Bond fan to begin with, but this movie was very cool. After the opening credits rolls, theres a great 10 minute chase scene incorporating Parkour (the French sport with the fancy running, and jumping), and the thing is awesome. It starts the movie out with a pretty good action sequence that just keeps going, and shows that the new Bond isn't a panty waste.
All the action in the movie was fun to watch, and I wish it just kept going. The whole first 60 minutes of the movie breezed by until Bond is set up with his new bitch to play his wife, where it drags on for 10 or 15 minutes as their relationship is introduced and we see he wants to touch her butt and she's not into it. Then the movie picks back up when Bond enters a highstakes poker game where this creep that cries blood is betting with other peoples investment money.
As boring as I think poker is, and I wish the whole TV show poker phenomenon would finally die down, the card scenes were good to watch. There was enough to them that they werent boring, and the new Bond chick was showing off some mega cleavage which was fine with me.
When I thought the movie was over, it picked back up again and took on another 20 minutes of swerves and action sequences. The final runtime was almost two and a half hours, and I think they could have shortened it a tad, but I am not complaining. I liked the movie and thought it was leagues better than Die Another Day. I think Craig is a smoother, more believable Bond than Brosnan too. Personally, I think he's a punk bitch since he let Mrs. Doubtfire toss a lime off his head and didn't do shit about it.
4 out of 5 sloppy, filthy buttholes. I am actually looking forward to Craigs next turn as Bond to watch him kick the shit out/throw his dick in some more assholes.
Four Brothers
John Singleton directed the revenge story of Four adopted brothers who come back home to Detroit after their mother is killed, and try to find out who was behind it. Marky Mark, Tyrese, Andre 3000 and some other white guy play the four brothers.
I like the revenge movies. Everybody can relate to a story about wanting to get revenge on somebody, for whatever reason. Whether its a dead relative, or somebody poked holes in your condoms, everybody would love to turn into a Charles Bronson vigilante and start granting Death Wishes all around. That said, I liked the movie a lot.
I think Marky Mark has become a pretty good actor, and is genuinely believeable as a tough guy. He's not a faux street thug like Colin Farrell was in Miami Vice, he actually has you believe he doesn't give a shit and would crack your cranium with his bare hands. As a leading man, I am a fan of his and tend to enjoy the movies he is in. The acting from the others was pretty good too. I liked Tyrese as a good comic relief character, always throwing his dick in the hot chick and shit like that.
The action in the movie is pretty good too. There is a pretty good snowy car chase, a building chase looking for some information that is decent, and the Mercer House gun fight is awesome. So many gun shots.
Overall, I think the story, and the action builds up pretty good to the finale, but I think as is the case with lots of movies like this, the pay off fight is secondary to the pay off of the storyline. It wasn't a crappy ending by any means, but I've started to notice in a lot of movies, sometimes the final showdowns are kind of weak.
Overall though, I'd say check it out if you like the revenge flicks, like Marky Mark, and want to see some sweet gun fighting. 4 out of 5 buttholes.
As a side note, Singleton didn't write and direct this one like he's done in the past, and I have to again recommend Boyz N' the Hood because its awesome.
I like the revenge movies. Everybody can relate to a story about wanting to get revenge on somebody, for whatever reason. Whether its a dead relative, or somebody poked holes in your condoms, everybody would love to turn into a Charles Bronson vigilante and start granting Death Wishes all around. That said, I liked the movie a lot.
I think Marky Mark has become a pretty good actor, and is genuinely believeable as a tough guy. He's not a faux street thug like Colin Farrell was in Miami Vice, he actually has you believe he doesn't give a shit and would crack your cranium with his bare hands. As a leading man, I am a fan of his and tend to enjoy the movies he is in. The acting from the others was pretty good too. I liked Tyrese as a good comic relief character, always throwing his dick in the hot chick and shit like that.
The action in the movie is pretty good too. There is a pretty good snowy car chase, a building chase looking for some information that is decent, and the Mercer House gun fight is awesome. So many gun shots.
Overall, I think the story, and the action builds up pretty good to the finale, but I think as is the case with lots of movies like this, the pay off fight is secondary to the pay off of the storyline. It wasn't a crappy ending by any means, but I've started to notice in a lot of movies, sometimes the final showdowns are kind of weak.
Overall though, I'd say check it out if you like the revenge flicks, like Marky Mark, and want to see some sweet gun fighting. 4 out of 5 buttholes.
As a side note, Singleton didn't write and direct this one like he's done in the past, and I have to again recommend Boyz N' the Hood because its awesome.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Miami Vice
Movie version of the TV show starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx is everywhere, and I wish he wasn't. Colin Farrell is kind of a boob too. That said, they are the two main characters, Sonny and Rico, and they are on the case trying to work a huge drug bust after an old informant is found out and all hell breaks loose.
After all the negative crap I heard about the movie, I was really expecting a horror show. With Jamie Foxx's first shot at being a tough guy (where he throws the weakest looking hits I've seen in a movie) and Colin Farrell over acting at the beginning, I wasn't sure I would be into the movie. Thankfully, it all turned around after my initial reaction to how bad the two were as the leads.
I wound up liking the movie a lot. Pretty good story, as I think most action movies like this involving drug trades and inside men and who can you trust type shit are generally fun to watch anyways. I bought into it and sat for two hours entertained by what was going on. The gun fight at the end was pretty solid too.
There were some random boob shots, and a sweet ass shot in the shower of Jamie Foxx's biatch. Random boning scenes to show that Sonny and Rico are smooth and suave and all that jazz. Sonny's chick is the Asian broad working for the baddies, which you could see coming from the get go, so if I ruined that for anybody, eat shit.
Good earlier gun fight too when the shit is about to hit the fan near the end.
The visuals were very nice, and I like that Michael Mann is one of the people embracing digital equipment to shoot movies as opposed to being stuck in his ways and using film. The picture is just as good, if not better in some cases, and in some scenes, with how gritty digital can be manipulated to look, it gives you more of a feeling as if you're right there.
I don't think they did enough to glorify the sexy atmosphere of Miami with all the colors, women, and so on like Bad Boys 2 did. I am just being a jerk here though and comparing the two movies, mostly because its a similar storyline as far as the drugs go, it being Miami, and two cops. Bad Boys 2 pulled it off better, and I cared for Will Smith and Martin a lot more than Foxx and Farrell.
Bottom line, I was thoroughly entertained, and disagree with all the bad wrap the movie has taken. Solid story, decent acting, good action, and two hours of not thinking about real life lead me to being a happy viewer.
4 buttholes out of 5. I was going to give it 3 and a half, but while writing this and rehashing, I realize I liked it a bunch.
5 buttholes for Bad Boys 2.
After all the negative crap I heard about the movie, I was really expecting a horror show. With Jamie Foxx's first shot at being a tough guy (where he throws the weakest looking hits I've seen in a movie) and Colin Farrell over acting at the beginning, I wasn't sure I would be into the movie. Thankfully, it all turned around after my initial reaction to how bad the two were as the leads.
I wound up liking the movie a lot. Pretty good story, as I think most action movies like this involving drug trades and inside men and who can you trust type shit are generally fun to watch anyways. I bought into it and sat for two hours entertained by what was going on. The gun fight at the end was pretty solid too.
There were some random boob shots, and a sweet ass shot in the shower of Jamie Foxx's biatch. Random boning scenes to show that Sonny and Rico are smooth and suave and all that jazz. Sonny's chick is the Asian broad working for the baddies, which you could see coming from the get go, so if I ruined that for anybody, eat shit.
Good earlier gun fight too when the shit is about to hit the fan near the end.
The visuals were very nice, and I like that Michael Mann is one of the people embracing digital equipment to shoot movies as opposed to being stuck in his ways and using film. The picture is just as good, if not better in some cases, and in some scenes, with how gritty digital can be manipulated to look, it gives you more of a feeling as if you're right there.
I don't think they did enough to glorify the sexy atmosphere of Miami with all the colors, women, and so on like Bad Boys 2 did. I am just being a jerk here though and comparing the two movies, mostly because its a similar storyline as far as the drugs go, it being Miami, and two cops. Bad Boys 2 pulled it off better, and I cared for Will Smith and Martin a lot more than Foxx and Farrell.
Bottom line, I was thoroughly entertained, and disagree with all the bad wrap the movie has taken. Solid story, decent acting, good action, and two hours of not thinking about real life lead me to being a happy viewer.
4 buttholes out of 5. I was going to give it 3 and a half, but while writing this and rehashing, I realize I liked it a bunch.
5 buttholes for Bad Boys 2.
Monster House
The house across the street has a rickety old man in it who goes nuts when kids are on his lawn. When said old man is presumed to have died of a heart attack, the kids try to figure out why it seems like the house is alive and eating people.
The animation in the movie is pretty cool. They look like claymation figures, but they're all just computer animated to look that way. Visually I think the movie is really impressive and cool looking. It is so colorful and nice to look at.
I was dissapointed with the story though. There was plenty of potential to have a creepy cartoon movie for once, but it was eh at best. When it is revealed why the house is alive, it is kind of lame too. I know I am not the key audience they were going for, since I am becoming an old fart and all, but I still think they could have done a better job.
I will keep this one short and say, if you're an animation fan, definately check it out because its a good looking cartoon. If you're an animation fan who also likes good stories (The Incredibles, Toy Story, all the Disney movies pre-Pocahontas), you might be dissapointed with the lack of humor, and lack of a solid, fun story.
3 buttholes out of 5. Didnt love it, but I also didn't hate it. Very middle of the road.
The animation in the movie is pretty cool. They look like claymation figures, but they're all just computer animated to look that way. Visually I think the movie is really impressive and cool looking. It is so colorful and nice to look at.
I was dissapointed with the story though. There was plenty of potential to have a creepy cartoon movie for once, but it was eh at best. When it is revealed why the house is alive, it is kind of lame too. I know I am not the key audience they were going for, since I am becoming an old fart and all, but I still think they could have done a better job.
I will keep this one short and say, if you're an animation fan, definately check it out because its a good looking cartoon. If you're an animation fan who also likes good stories (The Incredibles, Toy Story, all the Disney movies pre-Pocahontas), you might be dissapointed with the lack of humor, and lack of a solid, fun story.
3 buttholes out of 5. Didnt love it, but I also didn't hate it. Very middle of the road.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Pulse
If you've seen the Ring, or the Grudge, you've seen Pulse, only on a better scale. Personally, I think the Ring kind of sucked, and I liked the Grudge because it had legitimate creep out factors to it. Pulse is a similar take of dead things making creepy appearances and slowly walking around until they suck out peoples will to live, in turn making all the kids kill themselves.
The movie looks a lot like the Ring and Grudge too with the color schemes and everything. Going for a cold, blue/green color scheme and trying to have the generic creepy visuals, backed with a creepy atmospheric soundtrack in order to creep out the 12 year old girls who they were aiming this at. Even they probably werent creeped out in the slightest.
The girls are pretty hot in the movie, but that didn't help much with the lame ending. I don't even feel like getting into much more aside from maybe this would appeal to kids who haven't seen scary movies yet, or people that scare easily from not so scary ghosts.
I guess I will give it one butthole, because afterall its a legitimate movie, and it looks good. The only movie that doesnt deserve a butthole in my eyes is that piece of shit, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Anybody who liked that movie is a rope smoker for Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, because it sucked sweaty ball sack.
So bottom line, dont watch Pulse or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
The movie looks a lot like the Ring and Grudge too with the color schemes and everything. Going for a cold, blue/green color scheme and trying to have the generic creepy visuals, backed with a creepy atmospheric soundtrack in order to creep out the 12 year old girls who they were aiming this at. Even they probably werent creeped out in the slightest.
The girls are pretty hot in the movie, but that didn't help much with the lame ending. I don't even feel like getting into much more aside from maybe this would appeal to kids who haven't seen scary movies yet, or people that scare easily from not so scary ghosts.
I guess I will give it one butthole, because afterall its a legitimate movie, and it looks good. The only movie that doesnt deserve a butthole in my eyes is that piece of shit, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Anybody who liked that movie is a rope smoker for Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, because it sucked sweaty ball sack.
So bottom line, dont watch Pulse or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
300
Obviously, since it seems like everybody has seen it, or is planning to see it. This is based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller, of the story of the 300 Spartans that took on an entire army to defend their land blah blah blah.
The movie was a very stylized, comic book looking movie, which makes sense since thats what its based off. Some of the visuals were pretty cool and interested, and looked like paintings which I think is amazing. Zack Snyder, the guy who directed the remake of Dawn of the Dead directed this, so now his credibility will probably go through the roof since it made a ton of money. I thought Dawn of the Dead was awesome too.
Anyways, the acting was pretty solid, and all the characters were interesting in one way or another. The guy that played Xerxes is apparently on Lost, which I couldn't give two shits about cause how long can a show go on with people stranded on an island? I suppose Gilligans Island lasted a while, so we have to deal with that fat pig with long hair some more until they end that show. Anyways, back to the Xerxes guy, he was a flaming queer. 100 percent, butt fucking homo. If I was a Spartan, I would've spit in his face and defended my land from him too just based on how creepy he was. That's not an anti gay joke either, since so many people are easily offended these days (you can all eat shit).
Anyways, I really liked the battles, although there really is only so much you can do when your main characters only have shields, spears, and occasionally swords. So, blocking, stabbing, and chopping were aplenty.
The bad guys came in waves, like if you play the old Streets of Rage game, or Double Dragon. Wave 1 were the jobbers, the generic street thugs. Then comes the tougher guys with horses, so on and so forth till you get to the deformed super powered monsters, or the samurai masked "ghosts" and shit. As I said, the battles were cool, but I also think the constant slow motion couldve been cut back on. It was cool, but too much of something dulls it down.
My other complaints, the digital blood. There is no way it is more cost efficient to have digital blood laid in afterwards as opposed to hooking pumps up to dummies and spraying corn syrup everywhere. The digital shit also dissapeared instantly and there were no pools of blood on the ground like there would be if they used real liquid. Not only that, digital blood or digital gore effects usually look terrible. Like when Kurrgans character gets a knife in the arm, it just looked weird, and using prosthetics and stage blood would've looked more realistic.
Some of the legitimate "story" parts of the movie were kind of boring too. The Oracle character sucked, as did her ribbon dancing sequence. 3 minutes of unnecessary body movements, and unfulfilling tit shots since she had some teenies to begin with.
The Queen in the movie was pretty hot, and we saw her chocolate chip nipples a couple times too in one random sex scene, and another not so random, but also not so necessary. After the Spartans went off to war, I think that could have been it for back home with the Queen and we could've cut out 20 minutes of blabber and faux emotional crap, and went on with the slaughtering and digital elephants falling off cliffs.
Theres a whole secondary storyline about trying to get other troops sent to battle and save the Spartans, but everybody knows the story that it was just those 300 guys, and...
SPOILER- MAYBE
I think its pretty obvious that the other soldiers wouldnt be sent, so why fake it in the storyline, just to have the Queens big moment.
The king goes off to war, thats that. Heads roll, violence aplenty, and losts of half naked guys with the rippest bodies I've ever seen.
Anyways, it was fun to watch, I liked it, didn't love it. I would recommend it with a three and a half asshole approval.
As for the people who said it was going to be the top money maker this year, you're crazy. Spiderman 3, Pirates 3, and Die Hard 4 are all going to be coming out, and people will be seeing those like crazy. Either way, cool movie, but the digital blood sucks.
The movie was a very stylized, comic book looking movie, which makes sense since thats what its based off. Some of the visuals were pretty cool and interested, and looked like paintings which I think is amazing. Zack Snyder, the guy who directed the remake of Dawn of the Dead directed this, so now his credibility will probably go through the roof since it made a ton of money. I thought Dawn of the Dead was awesome too.
Anyways, the acting was pretty solid, and all the characters were interesting in one way or another. The guy that played Xerxes is apparently on Lost, which I couldn't give two shits about cause how long can a show go on with people stranded on an island? I suppose Gilligans Island lasted a while, so we have to deal with that fat pig with long hair some more until they end that show. Anyways, back to the Xerxes guy, he was a flaming queer. 100 percent, butt fucking homo. If I was a Spartan, I would've spit in his face and defended my land from him too just based on how creepy he was. That's not an anti gay joke either, since so many people are easily offended these days (you can all eat shit).
Anyways, I really liked the battles, although there really is only so much you can do when your main characters only have shields, spears, and occasionally swords. So, blocking, stabbing, and chopping were aplenty.
The bad guys came in waves, like if you play the old Streets of Rage game, or Double Dragon. Wave 1 were the jobbers, the generic street thugs. Then comes the tougher guys with horses, so on and so forth till you get to the deformed super powered monsters, or the samurai masked "ghosts" and shit. As I said, the battles were cool, but I also think the constant slow motion couldve been cut back on. It was cool, but too much of something dulls it down.
My other complaints, the digital blood. There is no way it is more cost efficient to have digital blood laid in afterwards as opposed to hooking pumps up to dummies and spraying corn syrup everywhere. The digital shit also dissapeared instantly and there were no pools of blood on the ground like there would be if they used real liquid. Not only that, digital blood or digital gore effects usually look terrible. Like when Kurrgans character gets a knife in the arm, it just looked weird, and using prosthetics and stage blood would've looked more realistic.
Some of the legitimate "story" parts of the movie were kind of boring too. The Oracle character sucked, as did her ribbon dancing sequence. 3 minutes of unnecessary body movements, and unfulfilling tit shots since she had some teenies to begin with.
The Queen in the movie was pretty hot, and we saw her chocolate chip nipples a couple times too in one random sex scene, and another not so random, but also not so necessary. After the Spartans went off to war, I think that could have been it for back home with the Queen and we could've cut out 20 minutes of blabber and faux emotional crap, and went on with the slaughtering and digital elephants falling off cliffs.
Theres a whole secondary storyline about trying to get other troops sent to battle and save the Spartans, but everybody knows the story that it was just those 300 guys, and...
SPOILER- MAYBE
I think its pretty obvious that the other soldiers wouldnt be sent, so why fake it in the storyline, just to have the Queens big moment.
The king goes off to war, thats that. Heads roll, violence aplenty, and losts of half naked guys with the rippest bodies I've ever seen.
Anyways, it was fun to watch, I liked it, didn't love it. I would recommend it with a three and a half asshole approval.
As for the people who said it was going to be the top money maker this year, you're crazy. Spiderman 3, Pirates 3, and Die Hard 4 are all going to be coming out, and people will be seeing those like crazy. Either way, cool movie, but the digital blood sucks.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
The Gridiron Gang
Gridiron Gang is your typical, bad kids do good heartwarming sports movie. It is based on a true story of a group of juvenile kids in lock up, who are allowed to have a football team as a way to overcome their problems and keep out of trouble.
The Rock is the star of the movie, and I thought he was really good. A lot of people don't give him any credit as an actor, mainly because of the pro wrestler image. At this point, considering he hasn't wrestled in years, I think it is time people realize he is an actor now, not a wrestler. A pretty good one too.
The movie opens up and instantly its a violent sequence at the jail, then on the city streets. Considering the movie is PG-13, I was actually surprised at how much of the violence was allowed in the movie to begin with. Drive-bys, lots of gun play, and other violent episodes throughout the movie. One F-bomb in the movie, a bunch of other vulgarities etc. etc. One more F-bomb and it would've been slapped with the R rating, and then they would've lost the target audience.
Anyways, I really liked the movie and totally fell for all the sappy moments, cliches, and heartwarming music they had. Although some shit was sort of cheesy, I still bought it and enjoyed what I was watching. Rock was awesome as the coach and some of the kids were pretty good too. Others, not so much.
The football sequences were pretty cool too and pretty hard hitting. I liked the majority of the game action, although at weird random points throughout the movie, the camera would subtley zoom in and out for no real apparent reason which was kind of annoying. You're not supposed to notice things like that, although it definately seemed intentional.
My only real complaint is the use of the "N" word as it seemed completely un needed where they used it, and the payoff for the use of it was a cheap joke that the urban youth crowd could laugh at. We get that the guy who said it is a villain already, without him using the word. Cheap use and to be honest it felt out of place at the time it came.
Otherwise, I liked it a lot and would recommend it. 4 buttholes out of 5 from me as far as sappy sports movies go.
The Rock is the star of the movie, and I thought he was really good. A lot of people don't give him any credit as an actor, mainly because of the pro wrestler image. At this point, considering he hasn't wrestled in years, I think it is time people realize he is an actor now, not a wrestler. A pretty good one too.
The movie opens up and instantly its a violent sequence at the jail, then on the city streets. Considering the movie is PG-13, I was actually surprised at how much of the violence was allowed in the movie to begin with. Drive-bys, lots of gun play, and other violent episodes throughout the movie. One F-bomb in the movie, a bunch of other vulgarities etc. etc. One more F-bomb and it would've been slapped with the R rating, and then they would've lost the target audience.
Anyways, I really liked the movie and totally fell for all the sappy moments, cliches, and heartwarming music they had. Although some shit was sort of cheesy, I still bought it and enjoyed what I was watching. Rock was awesome as the coach and some of the kids were pretty good too. Others, not so much.
The football sequences were pretty cool too and pretty hard hitting. I liked the majority of the game action, although at weird random points throughout the movie, the camera would subtley zoom in and out for no real apparent reason which was kind of annoying. You're not supposed to notice things like that, although it definately seemed intentional.
My only real complaint is the use of the "N" word as it seemed completely un needed where they used it, and the payoff for the use of it was a cheap joke that the urban youth crowd could laugh at. We get that the guy who said it is a villain already, without him using the word. Cheap use and to be honest it felt out of place at the time it came.
Otherwise, I liked it a lot and would recommend it. 4 buttholes out of 5 from me as far as sappy sports movies go.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Mission Impossible 3
I've never seen part 1 or 2, and decided since I know Tom Cruise obviously doesn't get smoked in those, I will watch part 3.
Tom Cruises wife is taken hostage by Philip Seymour Hoffmans character, and he has to secure a specific item in a specific amount of time if he wants to see her alive again.
Yeah. I am really not the best at movie synopsis, because there is more to it than that. Some twists and turns and swerves and generic action movie cliches (like when there is two minutes left on the time deadline to make a phone call, of course the cell phone service shits the bed to add suspense. If an elite agency like the IMF had all this money to do the crazy shit they do, cant they get superb cell phone service so that shit wont happen?)
Anyways, the opening scene is a good opener because it is "real time" hostage/torture sequence, then before the climax, goes to the start of the scenario that got us there.
The acting is pretty good. As much as I think Tom Cruise is a douchebag outside of the movies, he has been solid in everything I've seen him in. My only complaint about him however, is that everytime there is a close up on his face or anything, his eyes look like they're about to ooze tears and he is going to burst out crying. Kind of weird. Phillip Seymour Hoffman (shorten your name asshole) was okay, and was only really impressive in his role when he was screaming. So many people were on his nuts for Capote and talking about how brilliant he is, so I am sure a lot of said people groaned when they found out he wanted to make some money in a popcorn flick like MI:3. He was alright at best, and I didn't take him too seriously as a sinister bad guy capable of evil things. His hair style didn't help the matter, or the calm and collected talking while saying terrible things. Plus his fight scene with Cruise kinda blew until the money shot at the end.
The action in the movie was very good though. They did a good job topping one explosion with a better one. Car chases were good, and the bridge scene was pretty cool too. Overall it looked terrific and there were so many nice exotic locations to look at. If only I had 150 million bucks to make an action movie. I'd make sure to set the movie all over the world so I can see it all up close too.
Laurence Fishburne and Ving Rhames were pretty cool in it, as they usually are in movies. Larry wasn't in it a ton, but was a main focal point of the story. I was totally hooked by the story and sat there for two hours just waiting to see what was going to happen next. This was cool because to be honest, I wasn't really expecting much from this at all, and wasn't really in the mood to watch it from the get go. Maybe that added to it for me and maybe thats why I liked it all the more.
Pretty solid shit, so I will recommend with 4 buttholes and say if you like brainless action movies without a social commentary like me, you will enjoy this one.
My only complaint is the movie could've been spiced up with some better dialogue. There was no stand out lines or anything memorable about what people said really, it was all in the eye candy. I am a big dialogue creep and like good talk.
Coming Soon: Four Brothers, The Grid Iron Gang
Tom Cruises wife is taken hostage by Philip Seymour Hoffmans character, and he has to secure a specific item in a specific amount of time if he wants to see her alive again.
Yeah. I am really not the best at movie synopsis, because there is more to it than that. Some twists and turns and swerves and generic action movie cliches (like when there is two minutes left on the time deadline to make a phone call, of course the cell phone service shits the bed to add suspense. If an elite agency like the IMF had all this money to do the crazy shit they do, cant they get superb cell phone service so that shit wont happen?)
Anyways, the opening scene is a good opener because it is "real time" hostage/torture sequence, then before the climax, goes to the start of the scenario that got us there.
The acting is pretty good. As much as I think Tom Cruise is a douchebag outside of the movies, he has been solid in everything I've seen him in. My only complaint about him however, is that everytime there is a close up on his face or anything, his eyes look like they're about to ooze tears and he is going to burst out crying. Kind of weird. Phillip Seymour Hoffman (shorten your name asshole) was okay, and was only really impressive in his role when he was screaming. So many people were on his nuts for Capote and talking about how brilliant he is, so I am sure a lot of said people groaned when they found out he wanted to make some money in a popcorn flick like MI:3. He was alright at best, and I didn't take him too seriously as a sinister bad guy capable of evil things. His hair style didn't help the matter, or the calm and collected talking while saying terrible things. Plus his fight scene with Cruise kinda blew until the money shot at the end.
The action in the movie was very good though. They did a good job topping one explosion with a better one. Car chases were good, and the bridge scene was pretty cool too. Overall it looked terrific and there were so many nice exotic locations to look at. If only I had 150 million bucks to make an action movie. I'd make sure to set the movie all over the world so I can see it all up close too.
Laurence Fishburne and Ving Rhames were pretty cool in it, as they usually are in movies. Larry wasn't in it a ton, but was a main focal point of the story. I was totally hooked by the story and sat there for two hours just waiting to see what was going to happen next. This was cool because to be honest, I wasn't really expecting much from this at all, and wasn't really in the mood to watch it from the get go. Maybe that added to it for me and maybe thats why I liked it all the more.
Pretty solid shit, so I will recommend with 4 buttholes and say if you like brainless action movies without a social commentary like me, you will enjoy this one.
My only complaint is the movie could've been spiced up with some better dialogue. There was no stand out lines or anything memorable about what people said really, it was all in the eye candy. I am a big dialogue creep and like good talk.
Coming Soon: Four Brothers, The Grid Iron Gang
The Number 23
Saw this over the weekend, with mixed emotions going in. The whole topic of obsession and OCD type shit is something I can relate to, but that is another story for another blog.
Anyways, brief synopsis. Guys wife buys him a book about a guy obsessed with the Number 23 and how its taking over his life. He is a detective and trying to solve the crime about a woman who is murdered. In real life, said guy thinks its like the author wrote the story about him because of the similarities to his real life. All culminating in an ending to be determined by the reader.
Jim Carrey was pretty good in this in my opinion. I had read stuff about how he was pretty laughable in the movie and can't be taken seriously, but I try to let myself go and take movies giving people a clean slate. It isnt always successful, but more often then not, it works. So like I said, I liked him in it and thought he played his role pretty good.
The story itself, is a combination of real life, and re-enactments taking place from chapters of the book. It takes on a noir style feel with Jim Carrey voicing over as he reads the chapters. Stylistically all of the flashback scenes and real time scenes are pretty nice to look at. Each scene seems to have a color scheme or some other subconscious element to put you right into the mood and it worked.
I think they did an even better job creatively putting number combinations and subtle things like that all over the movie and making it visually interested from the get go. I did however think the movie took a little too long to really get going as the first fifteen or twenty minutes seemed to be a lot longer.
Also from the start, any combination of numbers or letters or even designs in the background I found myself counting to try and find how many 23's I could find** It is impressive to me how many different scenarios the writer came up with to associate with the number. Overall, I think it was well written, and you really felt for Jim Carrey and got into the mind of somebody crippled by obsession.
It gets really good towards the end of the book, but without spoiling anything, I will just say the ending for me, left a little to be desired. In a way I guess it has the Lord of the Rings 3 problem, where it could have ended, but didn't. I think they were trying to give us something different with the ending, and move away from the formulaic "thriller" ending, but this movie might have benefitted from that, instead of turning into an almost religious type deal. Towards the end, there were some undertones about that and I dunno, maybe it is just me but it was sort of like come on.
I would recommend it and I will give it 3 buttholes, leaning more towards 3 and a half than 2 and a half. It was good and I enjoyed watching it. A friend of mine at work said she thought Jim Carrey was pretty good and didnt expect him to come off so "sexy" in his role, so I guess that means he did a pretty good job since his sex appeal image in the flashbacks worked. See it if you have some spare cash, and after the movie, if you're a dork like me, you will look for the number all over the place.
**Similar game for the Departed. I read on Joblo.com (which is THE movie fan site) about how Martin Scorcese intentionally put as many X's into the movie as he could, as it is the sign of impending danger. So if you're bored one night and have the dvd, watch and try to find as many letter X's as you can as they are all over the place.
Anyways, brief synopsis. Guys wife buys him a book about a guy obsessed with the Number 23 and how its taking over his life. He is a detective and trying to solve the crime about a woman who is murdered. In real life, said guy thinks its like the author wrote the story about him because of the similarities to his real life. All culminating in an ending to be determined by the reader.
Jim Carrey was pretty good in this in my opinion. I had read stuff about how he was pretty laughable in the movie and can't be taken seriously, but I try to let myself go and take movies giving people a clean slate. It isnt always successful, but more often then not, it works. So like I said, I liked him in it and thought he played his role pretty good.
The story itself, is a combination of real life, and re-enactments taking place from chapters of the book. It takes on a noir style feel with Jim Carrey voicing over as he reads the chapters. Stylistically all of the flashback scenes and real time scenes are pretty nice to look at. Each scene seems to have a color scheme or some other subconscious element to put you right into the mood and it worked.
I think they did an even better job creatively putting number combinations and subtle things like that all over the movie and making it visually interested from the get go. I did however think the movie took a little too long to really get going as the first fifteen or twenty minutes seemed to be a lot longer.
Also from the start, any combination of numbers or letters or even designs in the background I found myself counting to try and find how many 23's I could find** It is impressive to me how many different scenarios the writer came up with to associate with the number. Overall, I think it was well written, and you really felt for Jim Carrey and got into the mind of somebody crippled by obsession.
It gets really good towards the end of the book, but without spoiling anything, I will just say the ending for me, left a little to be desired. In a way I guess it has the Lord of the Rings 3 problem, where it could have ended, but didn't. I think they were trying to give us something different with the ending, and move away from the formulaic "thriller" ending, but this movie might have benefitted from that, instead of turning into an almost religious type deal. Towards the end, there were some undertones about that and I dunno, maybe it is just me but it was sort of like come on.
I would recommend it and I will give it 3 buttholes, leaning more towards 3 and a half than 2 and a half. It was good and I enjoyed watching it. A friend of mine at work said she thought Jim Carrey was pretty good and didnt expect him to come off so "sexy" in his role, so I guess that means he did a pretty good job since his sex appeal image in the flashbacks worked. See it if you have some spare cash, and after the movie, if you're a dork like me, you will look for the number all over the place.
**Similar game for the Departed. I read on Joblo.com (which is THE movie fan site) about how Martin Scorcese intentionally put as many X's into the movie as he could, as it is the sign of impending danger. So if you're bored one night and have the dvd, watch and try to find as many letter X's as you can as they are all over the place.
Squeeze
The movie Squeeze was shot in Dorchester and is loosely based on stories from one of the people at the Dorchester Youth Collaborative. I watched this movie back in '98, two years after it came out and liked it back then, and wanted to rewatch it.
The basic plot is three youths in danger of becoming street thugs, try to find a way out of trouble by getting jobs at the Youth Center. There is a gang of hoodlums causing trouble with them, and after a confrontation with them which led to a robbery, the three kids turn to a rival gang leader for protection and a way to make money. Will they turn their lives around, or become statistics of life on the streets...
For a low budget indie, I'd recommend this as possibly a "poor mans" Boyz N'the Hood. Not to say Boyz was the original movie about life in the hood, but there are similarities between the two.
The acting was pretty good, all things considered. The three leads were just students from DYC and did a good job in their roles. Wasn't blow away, but it could also be a lot worse.
I really like watching and recognizing all the spots around Dorchester and things like that. If you are from Boston and like the Departed for the location recognition, if you are from Dorchester/Fields Corner area, it is pretty cool seeing all of those areas in a movie too.
There are a couple of over the top drug den scenes, and the thugs pulling scare tactics to the kids that come off pretty cheesey. (Instead of taunting the kids who robbed you by singing songs in their face to scare them, why wouldnt they pull up and take care of business right away?)
The movie is shot pretty nicely, with a gritty urban feel they were going for. As cheesey as wipes and transition shots are in movies like Star Wars, they worked really well and were well planned in this movie.
There is some pretty good gun play in it, although it isn't the main focus of the movie. Some of the fist fights could have benefitted from some Foley work so when people are getting stomped or punched, you get the impact of the blow instead of feet ruffling around on the floor.
Overall I'd give it 3 and 1/2 buttholes as far as me being entertained by the movie, and caring about what is going on. If you are from the area, you may have more of a reason to check it out, but if you want the real deal, check out Cuba, Ice Cube, Morris Chestnut, and Laurence Fishburne in Boyz N' the Hood.
The basic plot is three youths in danger of becoming street thugs, try to find a way out of trouble by getting jobs at the Youth Center. There is a gang of hoodlums causing trouble with them, and after a confrontation with them which led to a robbery, the three kids turn to a rival gang leader for protection and a way to make money. Will they turn their lives around, or become statistics of life on the streets...
For a low budget indie, I'd recommend this as possibly a "poor mans" Boyz N'the Hood. Not to say Boyz was the original movie about life in the hood, but there are similarities between the two.
The acting was pretty good, all things considered. The three leads were just students from DYC and did a good job in their roles. Wasn't blow away, but it could also be a lot worse.
I really like watching and recognizing all the spots around Dorchester and things like that. If you are from Boston and like the Departed for the location recognition, if you are from Dorchester/Fields Corner area, it is pretty cool seeing all of those areas in a movie too.
There are a couple of over the top drug den scenes, and the thugs pulling scare tactics to the kids that come off pretty cheesey. (Instead of taunting the kids who robbed you by singing songs in their face to scare them, why wouldnt they pull up and take care of business right away?)
The movie is shot pretty nicely, with a gritty urban feel they were going for. As cheesey as wipes and transition shots are in movies like Star Wars, they worked really well and were well planned in this movie.
There is some pretty good gun play in it, although it isn't the main focus of the movie. Some of the fist fights could have benefitted from some Foley work so when people are getting stomped or punched, you get the impact of the blow instead of feet ruffling around on the floor.
Overall I'd give it 3 and 1/2 buttholes as far as me being entertained by the movie, and caring about what is going on. If you are from the area, you may have more of a reason to check it out, but if you want the real deal, check out Cuba, Ice Cube, Morris Chestnut, and Laurence Fishburne in Boyz N' the Hood.
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