300

Obviously, since it seems like everybody has seen it, or is planning to see it. This is based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller, of the story of the 300 Spartans that took on an entire army to defend their land blah blah blah.

The movie was a very stylized, comic book looking movie, which makes sense since thats what its based off. Some of the visuals were pretty cool and interested, and looked like paintings which I think is amazing. Zack Snyder, the guy who directed the remake of Dawn of the Dead directed this, so now his credibility will probably go through the roof since it made a ton of money. I thought Dawn of the Dead was awesome too.

Anyways, the acting was pretty solid, and all the characters were interesting in one way or another. The guy that played Xerxes is apparently on Lost, which I couldn't give two shits about cause how long can a show go on with people stranded on an island? I suppose Gilligans Island lasted a while, so we have to deal with that fat pig with long hair some more until they end that show. Anyways, back to the Xerxes guy, he was a flaming queer. 100 percent, butt fucking homo. If I was a Spartan, I would've spit in his face and defended my land from him too just based on how creepy he was. That's not an anti gay joke either, since so many people are easily offended these days (you can all eat shit).

Anyways, I really liked the battles, although there really is only so much you can do when your main characters only have shields, spears, and occasionally swords. So, blocking, stabbing, and chopping were aplenty.

The bad guys came in waves, like if you play the old Streets of Rage game, or Double Dragon. Wave 1 were the jobbers, the generic street thugs. Then comes the tougher guys with horses, so on and so forth till you get to the deformed super powered monsters, or the samurai masked "ghosts" and shit. As I said, the battles were cool, but I also think the constant slow motion couldve been cut back on. It was cool, but too much of something dulls it down.

My other complaints, the digital blood. There is no way it is more cost efficient to have digital blood laid in afterwards as opposed to hooking pumps up to dummies and spraying corn syrup everywhere. The digital shit also dissapeared instantly and there were no pools of blood on the ground like there would be if they used real liquid. Not only that, digital blood or digital gore effects usually look terrible. Like when Kurrgans character gets a knife in the arm, it just looked weird, and using prosthetics and stage blood would've looked more realistic.

Some of the legitimate "story" parts of the movie were kind of boring too. The Oracle character sucked, as did her ribbon dancing sequence. 3 minutes of unnecessary body movements, and unfulfilling tit shots since she had some teenies to begin with.

The Queen in the movie was pretty hot, and we saw her chocolate chip nipples a couple times too in one random sex scene, and another not so random, but also not so necessary. After the Spartans went off to war, I think that could have been it for back home with the Queen and we could've cut out 20 minutes of blabber and faux emotional crap, and went on with the slaughtering and digital elephants falling off cliffs.

Theres a whole secondary storyline about trying to get other troops sent to battle and save the Spartans, but everybody knows the story that it was just those 300 guys, and...

SPOILER- MAYBE

I think its pretty obvious that the other soldiers wouldnt be sent, so why fake it in the storyline, just to have the Queens big moment.

The king goes off to war, thats that. Heads roll, violence aplenty, and losts of half naked guys with the rippest bodies I've ever seen.

Anyways, it was fun to watch, I liked it, didn't love it. I would recommend it with a three and a half asshole approval.

As for the people who said it was going to be the top money maker this year, you're crazy. Spiderman 3, Pirates 3, and Die Hard 4 are all going to be coming out, and people will be seeing those like crazy. Either way, cool movie, but the digital blood sucks.