This is based on a true story about a bank robbery that took place in London in the early 70's. It stars the coolest actor out there, Jason Statham, Saffron Burrows as the hot accomplice/mastermind, and a bunch of topless/bottomless chicks, and dudes speaking thick English.
I am a big fan of heist movies. I think they're great. They are usually all the same and run on the same formula and all, but watching the set up and the actual robbery take place is always entertaining for me. In this movie, Transporter and his crew are duped into robbing a bank, while the bitch is actually going in to rob a specific deposit box for the higher ups in London. The contents are questionable materials that can be used in some horrible black mailing and shit. You know, the typical shit you'd find in a safe deposit box.
The robbery was cool because I was legitimately into them pulling it off, and fell for a lot of the near catches. I liked it because it starts off as a harmless heist for all involved, getting their villainous gang of good guys up to the next level of badguy-ship, and it turns into a complete shit show by movies end. I was unsure what to expect going into the movie, but wound up being pleasantly surprised and thoroughly entertained.
If you like movies with tits, pussy, bank robberies, shootings, violent crimes, crooked cops, and of course the Transporter, I'd recommend watching. It isn't life changing by any means, but knowing it is based on a true bank robbery, it is a nice entertaining hour and a half or so.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Eye For an Eye
this has Sally Fields and Keifer Sutherland as the good guy bad guy duo. Ed Harris has an unbelievable cheeseburger shaped bald spot that also stars in the movie.
Basically this is Death Wish and any other vigilante movie in that Sally Fields daughter is raped and killed then on a technicality the murderer is let off, leaving Sally Fields depressed, angry, obsessed and seeking revenge on Jack Bauer before he was an ultra cool hero.
She stalks Sutherland throughout who has quite possibly one of the most unintimidating last names in movie bad guy history as his name is Robert Doob. Lame. They go in depth showing how hardcore bad he is by having him kick a dumpster, toss his cigarette to the ground when someone else wanted one, and dump a cup of coffee onto a poor ratty looking German Shepard. To cap it all, he stands outside of this spicy Latinas house he is watching and whips it out and pees in her bushes. He's got a sick mullet in the movie, greasy and gross, not like the well kept bleached blonde number from the Lost Boys. While on the topic, Keifer didn't get much respect from the average Joes until Jack Bauer. He was great in Lost Boys, this, Stand By Me and that porno with Donal Sutherland when he shot his load all over that girls back.
It's got some disturbing content with the forced entry and Doob saying some nasty shot. Over all it's a good watch though. It's a little slow and could be cut by twenty minutes. They show the top of Mrs. Doubtfires wifes tits in the shower, wondering what Mrs. Doubtfure thinks of that?! So he was cheated on for Pierce Brosnan and Ed Harris' bald spot.
When seeing her transform into a violence obsessed vigilante it's exciting watching a housewife go nuts. I'd recommend it, but it's your standard fare for a vigilante flick. In due time we will see how the Jodie Foster one fares in comparison. It's not everyday we see some solid lesbian justice handed out by Clarice and her farva bean eating self. Whoahohoho!!!
Basically this is Death Wish and any other vigilante movie in that Sally Fields daughter is raped and killed then on a technicality the murderer is let off, leaving Sally Fields depressed, angry, obsessed and seeking revenge on Jack Bauer before he was an ultra cool hero.
She stalks Sutherland throughout who has quite possibly one of the most unintimidating last names in movie bad guy history as his name is Robert Doob. Lame. They go in depth showing how hardcore bad he is by having him kick a dumpster, toss his cigarette to the ground when someone else wanted one, and dump a cup of coffee onto a poor ratty looking German Shepard. To cap it all, he stands outside of this spicy Latinas house he is watching and whips it out and pees in her bushes. He's got a sick mullet in the movie, greasy and gross, not like the well kept bleached blonde number from the Lost Boys. While on the topic, Keifer didn't get much respect from the average Joes until Jack Bauer. He was great in Lost Boys, this, Stand By Me and that porno with Donal Sutherland when he shot his load all over that girls back.
It's got some disturbing content with the forced entry and Doob saying some nasty shot. Over all it's a good watch though. It's a little slow and could be cut by twenty minutes. They show the top of Mrs. Doubtfires wifes tits in the shower, wondering what Mrs. Doubtfure thinks of that?! So he was cheated on for Pierce Brosnan and Ed Harris' bald spot.
When seeing her transform into a violence obsessed vigilante it's exciting watching a housewife go nuts. I'd recommend it, but it's your standard fare for a vigilante flick. In due time we will see how the Jodie Foster one fares in comparison. It's not everyday we see some solid lesbian justice handed out by Clarice and her farva bean eating self. Whoahohoho!!!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The Foot Fist Way
This is the movie Will Ferrell and his buddy fell in love with, and made sure to get it distributed in theatres, on DVD, and get its "Star" Danny McBride some notoriety.
I'd give a story synopsis, but quite frankly there isn't much of a friggen story to begin with. Theres a lard ass, obviously not good at it Tae Kwon Do teacher who berates his students and is "offensive" in doing so.
Literally the first 50 minutes of the movie was spent showing him do shitty demonstrations, berating students, and finding out his horrendously acted wife character gave her boss a handjob.
Not until over halfway through the movie to we get any type or actual push towards a legitimate storyline, when he goes and asks his idol to come to his tae kwon do studio to help with the testing for new belts. Didn't even know a test was coming up until the question was proposed.
What happens afterwards is beyond predictable. Actually, the majority of the movie is predictable and actually not very offensive at all. It is obvious what they are going for, with an outrageous character who is rude and vulgar, the problem is, it's not funny at all and could be far more offensive.
The entire look of the movie is shitty too. There is barely any music (although in the credits I swear they list 500 songs), and if you watch the even worse deleted scenes the picture quality actually looks better before they did whatever it was to make it look so shitty.
I found out that the budget for this movie was about 80,000 bucks. Hearing a movie that looks like this, has such shitty actors, and has caught a minute fan base because Will Ferrell told them it's funny is mind boggling. Don't even get me started on what the fuck I could do with 80 grand and my group of friends.
Now this guy has moved on to be the new flavor of the month in the Judd Apatow crew which is great for him. More power to him to be honest. I just don't get how this is actually a movie as mush as a bunch of little ideas put together. Nothing at all drives the story, and there is no actual goal to be accomplished. When all is said and done, it sucks.
The Foot Fist Way belongs in the clearance rack, ASAP
I'd give a story synopsis, but quite frankly there isn't much of a friggen story to begin with. Theres a lard ass, obviously not good at it Tae Kwon Do teacher who berates his students and is "offensive" in doing so.
Literally the first 50 minutes of the movie was spent showing him do shitty demonstrations, berating students, and finding out his horrendously acted wife character gave her boss a handjob.
Not until over halfway through the movie to we get any type or actual push towards a legitimate storyline, when he goes and asks his idol to come to his tae kwon do studio to help with the testing for new belts. Didn't even know a test was coming up until the question was proposed.
What happens afterwards is beyond predictable. Actually, the majority of the movie is predictable and actually not very offensive at all. It is obvious what they are going for, with an outrageous character who is rude and vulgar, the problem is, it's not funny at all and could be far more offensive.
The entire look of the movie is shitty too. There is barely any music (although in the credits I swear they list 500 songs), and if you watch the even worse deleted scenes the picture quality actually looks better before they did whatever it was to make it look so shitty.
I found out that the budget for this movie was about 80,000 bucks. Hearing a movie that looks like this, has such shitty actors, and has caught a minute fan base because Will Ferrell told them it's funny is mind boggling. Don't even get me started on what the fuck I could do with 80 grand and my group of friends.
Now this guy has moved on to be the new flavor of the month in the Judd Apatow crew which is great for him. More power to him to be honest. I just don't get how this is actually a movie as mush as a bunch of little ideas put together. Nothing at all drives the story, and there is no actual goal to be accomplished. When all is said and done, it sucks.
The Foot Fist Way belongs in the clearance rack, ASAP
Bigger Stronger Faster*
If you are a sports fan or a wrestling fan, I HIGHLY recommend checking this out. This is a documentary about steroids and steroid use in not only athletes, but average joes. The man behind the documentary actually follows his two brothers around, who are both active steroid users.
This isn't a PBS style documentary with a boring narrator watching a flower bloom, and it's not a bunch of propaganda like a Michael Moore documentary. I honestly feel that this a straight down the middle look at steroids. While obviously it may seem as though the whole thing is to rationalize steroid use, it honestly is more to give people awareness about it, and give legitimate statistics and information about it.
One of the best parts of the whole documentary to me was when they were comparing steroids as a performance enhancer and how athletes are "cheating" because of using it. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods had laser corrective eye surgery and can now be considered a cheater because of his above average eye sight. Musicians and their anti anxiety pills to enhance their performances etc. etc.
One of the other very good segments, which really sheds light on how blind people can be when something happens to a person close to them, is when a father is confronted with hard questions regarding steroids, and is factually proven to be wrong, but won't budge on his stance that steroids killed his son.
Check it out, it is very informative, very interesting, and very entertaining. I give this the highest of recommendations.
100% clean, eatable asshole1
This isn't a PBS style documentary with a boring narrator watching a flower bloom, and it's not a bunch of propaganda like a Michael Moore documentary. I honestly feel that this a straight down the middle look at steroids. While obviously it may seem as though the whole thing is to rationalize steroid use, it honestly is more to give people awareness about it, and give legitimate statistics and information about it.
One of the best parts of the whole documentary to me was when they were comparing steroids as a performance enhancer and how athletes are "cheating" because of using it. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods had laser corrective eye surgery and can now be considered a cheater because of his above average eye sight. Musicians and their anti anxiety pills to enhance their performances etc. etc.
One of the other very good segments, which really sheds light on how blind people can be when something happens to a person close to them, is when a father is confronted with hard questions regarding steroids, and is factually proven to be wrong, but won't budge on his stance that steroids killed his son.
Check it out, it is very informative, very interesting, and very entertaining. I give this the highest of recommendations.
100% clean, eatable asshole1
Monday, October 13, 2008
HEAT
This is a nice cops and robbers cat and mouse movie with an all star cast including Al Pacino, Robert Deniro, Val Kilmer with a terrible ponytail, Tom Sizemore before he was in trouble with the law, the bank clerk from the Dark Knight and some fine ass courtesy of Ashley Judd.
This has been out for over ten years or so, and I remember when it first came out and my dad was watching it. All I ever knew about the movie to be completely honest was that there was a huge gun fight in broad day light in the middle of a busy street.
Said gun fight took place and it was definately cool. Another thing I thought was kind of cool about it was the lack of music during it. A lot of movies will cover up scenes and make them more exciting than they are. (I know this because the movie I am working on is going to be a thousand times more exciting with music over the gun fights to spice up the action)
Anyhow, the acting was very good on behalf of all. Even Val Kilmers ponytail was pretty good in it. Loser.
My only complaint is the movie slows down a lot when they get away from the heists, cops and robbers realizing how similar they are, to go into the lovey dovey relationship stuff. I get it. The good guy and bad guy are both so into their jobs that women come second and look at the trouble it causes and yadda yadda. The best thing to come out of the whole scenario is when Al Pacino catches his bitch with a dude in the house. He says to him no its fine if you wanna plow my woman, sit on my couch in my house, but what you can't do.... IS WATCH MY FUCKING TELEVISION SET! Then he tears his 19 inch Sanyo out of the wall. It was great.
I'd definately recommend checking it out as it has a bunch of good actors, good violence, and a good ponytail. And by good ponytail I mean not good at all
This has been out for over ten years or so, and I remember when it first came out and my dad was watching it. All I ever knew about the movie to be completely honest was that there was a huge gun fight in broad day light in the middle of a busy street.
Said gun fight took place and it was definately cool. Another thing I thought was kind of cool about it was the lack of music during it. A lot of movies will cover up scenes and make them more exciting than they are. (I know this because the movie I am working on is going to be a thousand times more exciting with music over the gun fights to spice up the action)
Anyhow, the acting was very good on behalf of all. Even Val Kilmers ponytail was pretty good in it. Loser.
My only complaint is the movie slows down a lot when they get away from the heists, cops and robbers realizing how similar they are, to go into the lovey dovey relationship stuff. I get it. The good guy and bad guy are both so into their jobs that women come second and look at the trouble it causes and yadda yadda. The best thing to come out of the whole scenario is when Al Pacino catches his bitch with a dude in the house. He says to him no its fine if you wanna plow my woman, sit on my couch in my house, but what you can't do.... IS WATCH MY FUCKING TELEVISION SET! Then he tears his 19 inch Sanyo out of the wall. It was great.
I'd definately recommend checking it out as it has a bunch of good actors, good violence, and a good ponytail. And by good ponytail I mean not good at all
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Prom Night
This remake of a movie from 900 years ago claims to be a blood filled splatter house. I think there was more blood in my toilet from the ass splitting shit I dumped last night than in this whole movie. What a rip.
This is absolutely the perfect exampled of why slasher movies shouldn't be rated PG-13
You have annoying actors who are obviously all "hotties"
The soundtrack if full of bad pop rock and other shit you'd hear on top 40 radio.
There is a complete lack of tits, blood, and swearing.
I am not saying they need to show a knife penetrating a tittie with a solid splash of blood all in one, but a helping of each would be great.
In these toned down flicks, it is obviously geared at scaring 16 year old girls with all the horrible jump scares and wretched relationship issues the characters go through.
The positive about the movie is that it really wastes no time jumping into things. Shows what leads up to the chick having a muderous stalker, flash forward and it is in fact Prom Night. It moved at a quick pace until the halfway point when the movie slowed down incredibly.
Whatever, just like real life version, Prom Night sucks.
This is absolutely the perfect exampled of why slasher movies shouldn't be rated PG-13
You have annoying actors who are obviously all "hotties"
The soundtrack if full of bad pop rock and other shit you'd hear on top 40 radio.
There is a complete lack of tits, blood, and swearing.
I am not saying they need to show a knife penetrating a tittie with a solid splash of blood all in one, but a helping of each would be great.
In these toned down flicks, it is obviously geared at scaring 16 year old girls with all the horrible jump scares and wretched relationship issues the characters go through.
The positive about the movie is that it really wastes no time jumping into things. Shows what leads up to the chick having a muderous stalker, flash forward and it is in fact Prom Night. It moved at a quick pace until the halfway point when the movie slowed down incredibly.
Whatever, just like real life version, Prom Night sucks.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
midnight meat train
this movie is exactly what you'd expect it to be.
From start to finish there's a soul train of black guys fucking each other in the ass. Hence the title. Whoahohoho!
Seriously though. This is a horror/slashed/gorefest based on a Clive Barker story. Connie Jones is a typical bad guy but this time he's armed with a fifty four pound solid steel hammer that he uses to literally pulverize peoples heads with. The ultra gory scenes are really good. It is obviously digitally done for the blood effects but it looks cool as hell when you see an eyeball pop out of a head or a bullet explode a cranium.
The story is simple enough. Aspiring photographer possibly catches a butcher in a picture the night a model he saved from a mugging disappears. Typical fare afterwards with him stalking the butcher taking pictures, doing hours of research on the butcher and missing people all while letting his relationship with his small breasted bitch fall apart.
Decent enough fare. Some parts with some solid suspense and a what exactly is going on with his stockpile of bodies on the meat train. Personally for my horror tastes I prefer realistic stuff going on that can legitimately be taking place like the entire movie up till that point. Once it goes into other territory it loses it's punch for me but it works for the movie. Either way it's worth checking out definately. It's a shame of wasn't released in theatres like it was supposed to be, but that's what happens when you don't have quality characters like "Paris Hilton look alike" in a movie like Meet the Spartans.
Quick review of THAT movie that I was unfortunate enough to sit through. It's worse than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I despise that movie
Meat Train check out
Meet The Spartans creators can fuck themselves
From start to finish there's a soul train of black guys fucking each other in the ass. Hence the title. Whoahohoho!
Seriously though. This is a horror/slashed/gorefest based on a Clive Barker story. Connie Jones is a typical bad guy but this time he's armed with a fifty four pound solid steel hammer that he uses to literally pulverize peoples heads with. The ultra gory scenes are really good. It is obviously digitally done for the blood effects but it looks cool as hell when you see an eyeball pop out of a head or a bullet explode a cranium.
The story is simple enough. Aspiring photographer possibly catches a butcher in a picture the night a model he saved from a mugging disappears. Typical fare afterwards with him stalking the butcher taking pictures, doing hours of research on the butcher and missing people all while letting his relationship with his small breasted bitch fall apart.
Decent enough fare. Some parts with some solid suspense and a what exactly is going on with his stockpile of bodies on the meat train. Personally for my horror tastes I prefer realistic stuff going on that can legitimately be taking place like the entire movie up till that point. Once it goes into other territory it loses it's punch for me but it works for the movie. Either way it's worth checking out definately. It's a shame of wasn't released in theatres like it was supposed to be, but that's what happens when you don't have quality characters like "Paris Hilton look alike" in a movie like Meet the Spartans.
Quick review of THAT movie that I was unfortunate enough to sit through. It's worse than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I despise that movie
Meat Train check out
Meet The Spartans creators can fuck themselves
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