This is the movie Will Ferrell and his buddy fell in love with, and made sure to get it distributed in theatres, on DVD, and get its "Star" Danny McBride some notoriety.
I'd give a story synopsis, but quite frankly there isn't much of a friggen story to begin with. Theres a lard ass, obviously not good at it Tae Kwon Do teacher who berates his students and is "offensive" in doing so.
Literally the first 50 minutes of the movie was spent showing him do shitty demonstrations, berating students, and finding out his horrendously acted wife character gave her boss a handjob.
Not until over halfway through the movie to we get any type or actual push towards a legitimate storyline, when he goes and asks his idol to come to his tae kwon do studio to help with the testing for new belts. Didn't even know a test was coming up until the question was proposed.
What happens afterwards is beyond predictable. Actually, the majority of the movie is predictable and actually not very offensive at all. It is obvious what they are going for, with an outrageous character who is rude and vulgar, the problem is, it's not funny at all and could be far more offensive.
The entire look of the movie is shitty too. There is barely any music (although in the credits I swear they list 500 songs), and if you watch the even worse deleted scenes the picture quality actually looks better before they did whatever it was to make it look so shitty.
I found out that the budget for this movie was about 80,000 bucks. Hearing a movie that looks like this, has such shitty actors, and has caught a minute fan base because Will Ferrell told them it's funny is mind boggling. Don't even get me started on what the fuck I could do with 80 grand and my group of friends.
Now this guy has moved on to be the new flavor of the month in the Judd Apatow crew which is great for him. More power to him to be honest. I just don't get how this is actually a movie as mush as a bunch of little ideas put together. Nothing at all drives the story, and there is no actual goal to be accomplished. When all is said and done, it sucks.
The Foot Fist Way belongs in the clearance rack, ASAP
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Bigger Stronger Faster*
If you are a sports fan or a wrestling fan, I HIGHLY recommend checking this out. This is a documentary about steroids and steroid use in not only athletes, but average joes. The man behind the documentary actually follows his two brothers around, who are both active steroid users.
This isn't a PBS style documentary with a boring narrator watching a flower bloom, and it's not a bunch of propaganda like a Michael Moore documentary. I honestly feel that this a straight down the middle look at steroids. While obviously it may seem as though the whole thing is to rationalize steroid use, it honestly is more to give people awareness about it, and give legitimate statistics and information about it.
One of the best parts of the whole documentary to me was when they were comparing steroids as a performance enhancer and how athletes are "cheating" because of using it. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods had laser corrective eye surgery and can now be considered a cheater because of his above average eye sight. Musicians and their anti anxiety pills to enhance their performances etc. etc.
One of the other very good segments, which really sheds light on how blind people can be when something happens to a person close to them, is when a father is confronted with hard questions regarding steroids, and is factually proven to be wrong, but won't budge on his stance that steroids killed his son.
Check it out, it is very informative, very interesting, and very entertaining. I give this the highest of recommendations.
100% clean, eatable asshole1
This isn't a PBS style documentary with a boring narrator watching a flower bloom, and it's not a bunch of propaganda like a Michael Moore documentary. I honestly feel that this a straight down the middle look at steroids. While obviously it may seem as though the whole thing is to rationalize steroid use, it honestly is more to give people awareness about it, and give legitimate statistics and information about it.
One of the best parts of the whole documentary to me was when they were comparing steroids as a performance enhancer and how athletes are "cheating" because of using it. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods had laser corrective eye surgery and can now be considered a cheater because of his above average eye sight. Musicians and their anti anxiety pills to enhance their performances etc. etc.
One of the other very good segments, which really sheds light on how blind people can be when something happens to a person close to them, is when a father is confronted with hard questions regarding steroids, and is factually proven to be wrong, but won't budge on his stance that steroids killed his son.
Check it out, it is very informative, very interesting, and very entertaining. I give this the highest of recommendations.
100% clean, eatable asshole1
Monday, October 13, 2008
HEAT
This is a nice cops and robbers cat and mouse movie with an all star cast including Al Pacino, Robert Deniro, Val Kilmer with a terrible ponytail, Tom Sizemore before he was in trouble with the law, the bank clerk from the Dark Knight and some fine ass courtesy of Ashley Judd.
This has been out for over ten years or so, and I remember when it first came out and my dad was watching it. All I ever knew about the movie to be completely honest was that there was a huge gun fight in broad day light in the middle of a busy street.
Said gun fight took place and it was definately cool. Another thing I thought was kind of cool about it was the lack of music during it. A lot of movies will cover up scenes and make them more exciting than they are. (I know this because the movie I am working on is going to be a thousand times more exciting with music over the gun fights to spice up the action)
Anyhow, the acting was very good on behalf of all. Even Val Kilmers ponytail was pretty good in it. Loser.
My only complaint is the movie slows down a lot when they get away from the heists, cops and robbers realizing how similar they are, to go into the lovey dovey relationship stuff. I get it. The good guy and bad guy are both so into their jobs that women come second and look at the trouble it causes and yadda yadda. The best thing to come out of the whole scenario is when Al Pacino catches his bitch with a dude in the house. He says to him no its fine if you wanna plow my woman, sit on my couch in my house, but what you can't do.... IS WATCH MY FUCKING TELEVISION SET! Then he tears his 19 inch Sanyo out of the wall. It was great.
I'd definately recommend checking it out as it has a bunch of good actors, good violence, and a good ponytail. And by good ponytail I mean not good at all
This has been out for over ten years or so, and I remember when it first came out and my dad was watching it. All I ever knew about the movie to be completely honest was that there was a huge gun fight in broad day light in the middle of a busy street.
Said gun fight took place and it was definately cool. Another thing I thought was kind of cool about it was the lack of music during it. A lot of movies will cover up scenes and make them more exciting than they are. (I know this because the movie I am working on is going to be a thousand times more exciting with music over the gun fights to spice up the action)
Anyhow, the acting was very good on behalf of all. Even Val Kilmers ponytail was pretty good in it. Loser.
My only complaint is the movie slows down a lot when they get away from the heists, cops and robbers realizing how similar they are, to go into the lovey dovey relationship stuff. I get it. The good guy and bad guy are both so into their jobs that women come second and look at the trouble it causes and yadda yadda. The best thing to come out of the whole scenario is when Al Pacino catches his bitch with a dude in the house. He says to him no its fine if you wanna plow my woman, sit on my couch in my house, but what you can't do.... IS WATCH MY FUCKING TELEVISION SET! Then he tears his 19 inch Sanyo out of the wall. It was great.
I'd definately recommend checking it out as it has a bunch of good actors, good violence, and a good ponytail. And by good ponytail I mean not good at all
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Prom Night
This remake of a movie from 900 years ago claims to be a blood filled splatter house. I think there was more blood in my toilet from the ass splitting shit I dumped last night than in this whole movie. What a rip.
This is absolutely the perfect exampled of why slasher movies shouldn't be rated PG-13
You have annoying actors who are obviously all "hotties"
The soundtrack if full of bad pop rock and other shit you'd hear on top 40 radio.
There is a complete lack of tits, blood, and swearing.
I am not saying they need to show a knife penetrating a tittie with a solid splash of blood all in one, but a helping of each would be great.
In these toned down flicks, it is obviously geared at scaring 16 year old girls with all the horrible jump scares and wretched relationship issues the characters go through.
The positive about the movie is that it really wastes no time jumping into things. Shows what leads up to the chick having a muderous stalker, flash forward and it is in fact Prom Night. It moved at a quick pace until the halfway point when the movie slowed down incredibly.
Whatever, just like real life version, Prom Night sucks.
This is absolutely the perfect exampled of why slasher movies shouldn't be rated PG-13
You have annoying actors who are obviously all "hotties"
The soundtrack if full of bad pop rock and other shit you'd hear on top 40 radio.
There is a complete lack of tits, blood, and swearing.
I am not saying they need to show a knife penetrating a tittie with a solid splash of blood all in one, but a helping of each would be great.
In these toned down flicks, it is obviously geared at scaring 16 year old girls with all the horrible jump scares and wretched relationship issues the characters go through.
The positive about the movie is that it really wastes no time jumping into things. Shows what leads up to the chick having a muderous stalker, flash forward and it is in fact Prom Night. It moved at a quick pace until the halfway point when the movie slowed down incredibly.
Whatever, just like real life version, Prom Night sucks.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
midnight meat train
this movie is exactly what you'd expect it to be.
From start to finish there's a soul train of black guys fucking each other in the ass. Hence the title. Whoahohoho!
Seriously though. This is a horror/slashed/gorefest based on a Clive Barker story. Connie Jones is a typical bad guy but this time he's armed with a fifty four pound solid steel hammer that he uses to literally pulverize peoples heads with. The ultra gory scenes are really good. It is obviously digitally done for the blood effects but it looks cool as hell when you see an eyeball pop out of a head or a bullet explode a cranium.
The story is simple enough. Aspiring photographer possibly catches a butcher in a picture the night a model he saved from a mugging disappears. Typical fare afterwards with him stalking the butcher taking pictures, doing hours of research on the butcher and missing people all while letting his relationship with his small breasted bitch fall apart.
Decent enough fare. Some parts with some solid suspense and a what exactly is going on with his stockpile of bodies on the meat train. Personally for my horror tastes I prefer realistic stuff going on that can legitimately be taking place like the entire movie up till that point. Once it goes into other territory it loses it's punch for me but it works for the movie. Either way it's worth checking out definately. It's a shame of wasn't released in theatres like it was supposed to be, but that's what happens when you don't have quality characters like "Paris Hilton look alike" in a movie like Meet the Spartans.
Quick review of THAT movie that I was unfortunate enough to sit through. It's worse than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I despise that movie
Meat Train check out
Meet The Spartans creators can fuck themselves
From start to finish there's a soul train of black guys fucking each other in the ass. Hence the title. Whoahohoho!
Seriously though. This is a horror/slashed/gorefest based on a Clive Barker story. Connie Jones is a typical bad guy but this time he's armed with a fifty four pound solid steel hammer that he uses to literally pulverize peoples heads with. The ultra gory scenes are really good. It is obviously digitally done for the blood effects but it looks cool as hell when you see an eyeball pop out of a head or a bullet explode a cranium.
The story is simple enough. Aspiring photographer possibly catches a butcher in a picture the night a model he saved from a mugging disappears. Typical fare afterwards with him stalking the butcher taking pictures, doing hours of research on the butcher and missing people all while letting his relationship with his small breasted bitch fall apart.
Decent enough fare. Some parts with some solid suspense and a what exactly is going on with his stockpile of bodies on the meat train. Personally for my horror tastes I prefer realistic stuff going on that can legitimately be taking place like the entire movie up till that point. Once it goes into other territory it loses it's punch for me but it works for the movie. Either way it's worth checking out definately. It's a shame of wasn't released in theatres like it was supposed to be, but that's what happens when you don't have quality characters like "Paris Hilton look alike" in a movie like Meet the Spartans.
Quick review of THAT movie that I was unfortunate enough to sit through. It's worse than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I despise that movie
Meat Train check out
Meet The Spartans creators can fuck themselves
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Happening
Today at work I was chatting with my movie buddy, "AWWW YEAH" Mike. We were talking about movies coming up and I mentioned how I can't wait to see Max Payne. I am a big Marky Mark fan, coupled that with me sitting glued to my seat while playing the two Max Payne games and you got a loser on your hands highly anticipating the movie adaptation, hoping its not anything like Street Fighter.
This brings me to the movie review.
Mike said, I am sure it will be better than his last movie from the summer. I responded not knowing what movie he was talking about. Then he said something that triggered it in my head and my response was, "oh the Happening!? That movie sucked!"
It started off great, like a terrorist type deal and something was causing people to kill themselves.......
MAJOR SPOILER HERE! WATCH OUT!
But it turned out the trees and nature are sensitive bitches and don't like how human beings have been treating them. So to take vengeance for their brothers and sisters being chopped down and grinded to pieces, they release a toxic chemical that makes people kill themselves......................................................................................
What a stupid movie.
SOMETHING IS HAPPENING! AND IT ISN'T A GOOD REVIEW OF THIS LAME ASS MOVIE!
This brings me to the movie review.
Mike said, I am sure it will be better than his last movie from the summer. I responded not knowing what movie he was talking about. Then he said something that triggered it in my head and my response was, "oh the Happening!? That movie sucked!"
It started off great, like a terrorist type deal and something was causing people to kill themselves.......
MAJOR SPOILER HERE! WATCH OUT!
But it turned out the trees and nature are sensitive bitches and don't like how human beings have been treating them. So to take vengeance for their brothers and sisters being chopped down and grinded to pieces, they release a toxic chemical that makes people kill themselves......................................................................................
What a stupid movie.
SOMETHING IS HAPPENING! AND IT ISN'T A GOOD REVIEW OF THIS LAME ASS MOVIE!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Ghost Rider
I have been a big fan of the recent string of comic book movies. I like seeing what a live action version of these stories will look like. The problem is, they're either spot on, or completely shitty.
I know each person has their own opinion on what makes a "good" movie and what makes a flop. To make my point, let me list some recent comic movies I liked and disliked.
Spiderman, Iron Man, Dark Night, obviously if you like movies, let alone comic book movies, these HAD to entertain you on some level.
Then there are others, X-Men, Superman, Punisher, that either didn't live up to expectations, or I just didn't give a shit about.
This brings me to Ghost Rider.
I like Nicolas Cage. I think he's cool and he gets away with doing some of the shittiest movies out there, then he will come back and do something worth while. Although he's like plenty of other actors who plays the same role over and over (Bill Murray, that jewish pothead Seth Rogen character he plays in every movie) but it works for him.
For this movie, the idea of a guy who rides a bad ass bike and has a flaming skull for a head seems can't miss. Instead we get stuck with a horrible villain, annoying voice changing when the hero transforms and you can barely understand him, and overall disappointing PG-13 fare.
I guess it has the same problem the Punisher had for me, where it seems like it should be a violent movie with blood, and "bad language" considering the look and feel of the character, and the fact he's in a battle to send people back to hell and stealing their souls and shit. Instead it just comes off a little cheesy and nothing to blow a load in your pants about.
The special effects are okay, although to think coming this far in the CG age, they'd be able to make some of the stuff look a little less cartoony and more realistic.
Whatever the case, as lame as it was, it had some sweet cleavage shots of the delicious Eva Mendes, and it had that creep with the insanely deep voice, making me sit there wondering exactly how big his junk was to have a voice that deep.
Overall, I'll give this 1 and a half assholes. The half is for the movie, the full asshole is because of Eva Mendes' tits.
I know each person has their own opinion on what makes a "good" movie and what makes a flop. To make my point, let me list some recent comic movies I liked and disliked.
Spiderman, Iron Man, Dark Night, obviously if you like movies, let alone comic book movies, these HAD to entertain you on some level.
Then there are others, X-Men, Superman, Punisher, that either didn't live up to expectations, or I just didn't give a shit about.
This brings me to Ghost Rider.
I like Nicolas Cage. I think he's cool and he gets away with doing some of the shittiest movies out there, then he will come back and do something worth while. Although he's like plenty of other actors who plays the same role over and over (Bill Murray, that jewish pothead Seth Rogen character he plays in every movie) but it works for him.
For this movie, the idea of a guy who rides a bad ass bike and has a flaming skull for a head seems can't miss. Instead we get stuck with a horrible villain, annoying voice changing when the hero transforms and you can barely understand him, and overall disappointing PG-13 fare.
I guess it has the same problem the Punisher had for me, where it seems like it should be a violent movie with blood, and "bad language" considering the look and feel of the character, and the fact he's in a battle to send people back to hell and stealing their souls and shit. Instead it just comes off a little cheesy and nothing to blow a load in your pants about.
The special effects are okay, although to think coming this far in the CG age, they'd be able to make some of the stuff look a little less cartoony and more realistic.
Whatever the case, as lame as it was, it had some sweet cleavage shots of the delicious Eva Mendes, and it had that creep with the insanely deep voice, making me sit there wondering exactly how big his junk was to have a voice that deep.
Overall, I'll give this 1 and a half assholes. The half is for the movie, the full asshole is because of Eva Mendes' tits.
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