Gran Torino

A young Hmong boy is being recruited into a gang of hoodlums. He is caught in the act during his initiation and his life turns to a different course when he befriends his angry neighbor.

Clint Eastwood is a bitter racist old man. You can tell he misses the days of old when the neighborhood is more colorful and diverse than back in his hayday.

Pretty much every Asian racial term is spilled from Dirty Harrys mouth by the first half hour. I love it because old wrinkly men (any race) can pretty much do and say whatever the hell they want with the excuse being they're old and senile.

Pretty much everything he says in the movie is pure gold. He's a dangerous angry old bastard and if I encountered him I don't know if I'd crack up or shit my pants because an old fart called me a pussy and wanted to fight.

I don't want to get into crazy details as to the events that take place, but I was interested the whole time through and wanted I see what was going to happen with the gang bangers and Dirty Harry.

Just know I highly recommend it.

Also, it's probably a coincidence or something but his name is the movie is Walter Kowalski. Wrestling fans know that name as Walter "Killer" Kowalski.

The Mummy 3

Encino Man returns for a third go round, this time in China after his son digs up a bunch of statues of Chinese warriors, who we know as Jet Li and his posse.

Encino Mans wife, Rachel Weisz didn't come back for this one which initially bugged me since I hate when people don't come back, but literally I got past it right away as the replacement was fine with the same accent.

The son is more or less the focal point as he's a college drop out and trouble maker but this big dig he's found is going to hopefully be his big break. Of course that's not the case when the whole thing was a set up by a Chinese army so they could raise the Emperor and take over the world.

Twenty minutes in the action really starts and seriously seemed like it was non stop. It kept me entertained throughout and I like the whole Chinese landscape deal and scenery. It was racist though because during a car chase there was gun fire and apparently everywhere a bullet would hit in china there was a friggin fireworks factory.

The little Asian hottie in it was a little Asian hottie. And her witch mother was an older Asian hottie. The son did nothing for me. Evies brother returned as the comic relief again and he was good. Especially when his ass was on fire and he screamed to spank his ass. Also this part on an air plane involving an air sick cow.

It wasn't as complete as the first two as those movies were a lot of fun, but this wasn't the horrible stinker I'd heard about. It was still fun to watch.

Better than another archeological expedition that came out recently with a son taking charge. Yeah I'm talking about YOU Indiana Jones and the curse of a modern day George Lucas production.

8mm

Some rich cunts husband dies and inside his super secret vault is a spool of 8mm film. The contents on the film look to be a snuff film with some chick getting horrendously hacked up for BBQ. Said rich cunt wants to be at ease knowing it's a phony so she hires super surveillance king Nicolas Cage to find out the origins of the movie.

There's one part in this that is still bugging the shit out of me a couple days after watching it. Either Nic Cage has never held a baby before or the screenwriter is so out of touch with modern care of an infant. It's this part where his baby, creepily named Cinderella, is crying so surveillance man heads in to the room and picks her up while saying "there there". Does anyone actually say that to calm there kids? His delivery is so half asses and the line itself is so shitty. Whatever.

What happens next takes Johnny Cage on a rollercoaster ride of fake identities, trips into re seedy porn underworld, and an obsession trying to find out who the girl is, and whether the movie is fake or not.

Along the way he befriends a pre oscar calibur actor named joaquin phoenix, who plays a dirty smut peddler and helps Ghost Rider get leads on the movie. A young, much skinner, and still sounding like a fat mafioso James Gandolfini as a porn director. Before he was Tony Soprano did anyone give a shit about him? Bottom line he was one of the bright point as his part was great.

Overall I was engaged and interested in the who what and why of the whole deal. I was entertained throughout and don't know why people said it sucked. It isn't the greatest thriller I've seen, but Nicolas Cage getting angry and screaming fuck is a welcome sight.

Tropic Thunder

This is a Ben Stiller affair so I was a little skeptical at first. Saw a genius trailer with gore action an what seemed to be hilarity. Should be good.

The first twenty or so minutes were pretty enjoyable. I enjoyed that. Then it began to suck. And for me it kept sucking. Didn't get better.

Downey Jr. is cool. He was fun to watch. Jack Black, if you know me you know for me he's on par with razorblade diarrhea and Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Not enjoyable. Stiller impressed me in Happy Gilmore. In this he's annoying. The whole Simple Jack gag shouldve stuck to just the conversation he and Downey had with each other. When they brought it back and he performed it it was terrible.

Matthew "always shirtless" McConoghay was pretty good surprisingly. Him, Nick Nolte and surprisingly Danny McBride were the best parts of the movie and they were basically background players. They were the only things that kept the entire last part of the movie (after Steve Coogans explosion) enjoyable. Otherwise it was pretty rank.

The whole start was awesome and full of action. The entire trailer I saw was basically from the first part of the movie. It sold me. The rest of the movie didn't.

This was a rental through the mail so I felt obligated to watch, and my final verdict is that I'd have preferred it be on tv so I could just change the channel and maybe come back to it.

And the Tom Cruise stuff is over rated. Didn't think it was very funny at all. His dancing and rap music scenes sucked. And for the people who didn't know it was him on first sight, you're as retarded as Simple Jack.

The Dark Knight

I like Batman. I think he's a cool superhero. There is nothing that makes him super though aside from his abundance of cash as Bruce Wayne (hope I didn't spoil his identity for anybody!). He can't fly, he can't do a Hulk Smash and definately can't shoot webs. But that's what is appealing. He's a regular handsome rich guy who's taking the streets back. The Dark Knight upped the ante for me as far as my Batman opinion goes. He took the top spot from Spiderman, so let's get into the movie.

I have two complaints with a possible third.

#1. His growl. You don't sing for Cannibal Corpse and you're not Cookie Monster. If your close friends and associated don't recognize your lower face, I thinks it's safe to believe that in fantasy Gotham they won't recognize your voice either (Peter Parker I am looking at you)

#2. I got fed up of hearing everybody refer to him as "the Batman". It sounds like Bret Hart saying "the WCW". Shut up.

#3. Heath Ledger licking his goddamn lips so much. Self explanatory.

The story is great. In my opinion this is more of a crime/police story than a superhero comic book movie. Aside from a guy dressed as a bat, everything is played straight and is truly believable. Yes it includes the Joker.

Heath Ledger in my opinion IS the star of the show. Dead or not, this is the Jokers movie 100%. When he is on screen I am glued to the screen. When he is off screen I am anxiously awaiting his next appearance. Then when the Joker theme comes on I am ready to see what happens next. He steals the whole movie. One of my favorite parts to him is his story of getting the scars and how he's a complete mystery about everything.

If you know me you know one of my pet peeves about villains in movies is that they have to come up with some horrendous, idiotic reason from their past that made them maniacs. It's always delivered with the generic "I'm so crrraaaazzzyyyy" delivery too after they played it straight the rest of the movie. There's no bullshitting with the Joker. Michael Caine said it perfectly when Bruce is trying to figure it out when he said there are some people who just want to watch the world burn. Amen brother. Perfect villain explanation.

The entire cast is great minus Maggie Gyllenhall. She sucks. She is ugly. She is annoying like her stupid brother. Her bogus stuck in the middle romance eats my shit but I know it's an integral part to the story so what can I do? At least they couldve let Katie Holmes know I'd eat her snatch to come back, I mean what girl would say no to that right? She sucks too but at least she's attractive.

Gary Oldman is the man. Aaron Eckhart was VERY good as Harvey Two Face. Once he turns I actually think I'd be more terrified of him than the Joker if I crossed paths with him.

Morgan Freeman is always good as the gentle black man. That guy can make you feel good with his voice, even as he is penetrating your ass with his unlubed dick. He speaks with such serenity.

The action stuff is cool, although I'll be honest I couldve used more. There wasn't a lack and it was all there for a reason. I'm a Michael Bay fan though so I anticipate sweaty tits, slow camera movements, and explosions every three minutes, followed by Morgan Freeman telling Christian Bale that shit just got real.

For a two and a half hour movie, it breezes by. Even upon my second viewing since it's on DVD now, it still moved fast and I loved it.

Upon second viewing however,this time I was a little distracted by Heath Ledger. I myself am beyond afraid of death, so seeing a guy my age just hitting his stride and putting on a display that warrants being called one of the top movie villains I've ever seen next to Biff and Mama Fratelli, it sucks to know he didn't even have the chance to see it. He probably does deserve a best supporting actor award and the Dark Knight should be up for best picture but let's be honest, those honors typically go to movies starring guys named Francois and they spend twenty minutes naked on a farm speaking a foreign language. That's fine that the academy nominated whatever they want, the problem is they rarely nominate anything people actually go and see. So hopefully he wins and this is at least under consideration.

Highly highly recommend not just seeing it but adding it to your own personal collection. I know my copy has earned it's spot in my classics collection with Weekend at Bernies and Harry and the Hendersons.

Heath Ledger is very haunting in it. The more I think of it i'm creeper out.

City Of God

I had heard about this movie in 03 when I started college. It's about the violence and crime in the slums of Rio de Janero and all the crazy shit that goes down. I had no idea but it takes place in the 60's/70's and follows a group of kids from their adolescence to their grown up shithead phase.

The movie is subtitled, which for me personally is fine but sometimes distracting. Sometimes I feel like I miss some visual aspects of the movie, but for this one I got the gist of it all. Some of the things that happened you could see coming, but in delivery were still cool. It's not just gangsta rappers glorifying thug life, it's all over the world. I wish these people wouldn't resort to crime and murder, or if that's the path they take, I wish they'd avoid the innocent people. But I digress.

I was watching up until one of the guys, Benny, decided he wants out and there's a big going away party for him. Violence strikes and it was obvious what was going to happen. From there all hell breaks loose so of course I'd be amped for this right?

Wrong. The movie is two hours and ten minutes long. There was still plenty of time left. Once they become adults it really starts to drag and I feel they couldve cut out some of the stuff. We understand that the bad guy is a very bad guy. When he was a kid we established how nasty he was. So in the midst of all the action it happened....

I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up and turned it off, actually not caring to see the rest. I had my assumptions of what would happen. I looked up the spoiler online and in fact, my assumptions were correct. The only thing I didn't realize was it being based on a true story (according to the ending anyway) but Weekend at Bernies was also based on a true story along with Harry and the Hendersons.

Whatever. The whole start of the movie was great. I enjoyed seeing what these people became, they just spent too much time telling me. Check it out if you want, or go find spoilers

Transporter 3

Frank Martin is back! He's as cut, kickass, and bald as ever.

They've put Frank back overseas away from the nasty skinny American blonde bitch from part 2, the stupid geek politician, and his job as a cheuffer. As Egan said, it is like part 2 never happened with how this one goes.

Frank has to transport a person again, like in the first movie. This time a hot bitch from Ukraine (who is not an actor, just some hottie the writer wanted in the movie, she does a great job). This time however, Frank can't just decide one thing or another and break his rules to screw the bad guys. He has a bracelet, along with the girl, that will combine chemicals and blow up if he moves 75 feet away from his car.

All kinds of crap happens, as you'd expect from a movie with Jason Statham, including but not limited to:

A sweet bike ride
A Statham striptease which will just make you melt if you have man crushes on cut bald guys!
Some good fights
Sweet car chases
dirtbag bad guy city
etc

It goes back to the original in the cheesey style of the movie as far as the story goes, along with the ridiculous music and love interest. I was thoroughly entertained throughout.

The one complaint I have, might not even be a complaint as much as an "I see the positives and negatives of doing it this way" and that's for the fight scenes. In the first and second movie, you could see everything perfectly. It was obviously a well planned, choreographed, and orchestrated fight scene with ridiculous things happening.

In the latest installment, all these things are still here, but at a much faster pace. Literally you can see that some of the fight has been sped up to make impacts sick and to make it just insane. Along with that comes faster editing. Its not on the level of the Bourne movies where you can't see a fucking thing going on, but it is also not the easy on the eyes fights from the first two. It helps them so they dont look like a ballet act, but it hurts them because I enjoyed the ballet looking slick fight scenes from the other movies.

Bottom line, you still see that mother fucker beat the shit out of a bunch of bad guys and shit, so its all good.

I read a review saying this was a dvd rental at best. Eat shit! You need to go see Statham tear it up on the BIG SCREEN so his bald head is shown in full force!