This is a Ben Stiller affair so I was a little skeptical at first. Saw a genius trailer with gore action an what seemed to be hilarity. Should be good.
The first twenty or so minutes were pretty enjoyable. I enjoyed that. Then it began to suck. And for me it kept sucking. Didn't get better.
Downey Jr. is cool. He was fun to watch. Jack Black, if you know me you know for me he's on par with razorblade diarrhea and Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Not enjoyable. Stiller impressed me in Happy Gilmore. In this he's annoying. The whole Simple Jack gag shouldve stuck to just the conversation he and Downey had with each other. When they brought it back and he performed it it was terrible.
Matthew "always shirtless" McConoghay was pretty good surprisingly. Him, Nick Nolte and surprisingly Danny McBride were the best parts of the movie and they were basically background players. They were the only things that kept the entire last part of the movie (after Steve Coogans explosion) enjoyable. Otherwise it was pretty rank.
The whole start was awesome and full of action. The entire trailer I saw was basically from the first part of the movie. It sold me. The rest of the movie didn't.
This was a rental through the mail so I felt obligated to watch, and my final verdict is that I'd have preferred it be on tv so I could just change the channel and maybe come back to it.
And the Tom Cruise stuff is over rated. Didn't think it was very funny at all. His dancing and rap music scenes sucked. And for the people who didn't know it was him on first sight, you're as retarded as Simple Jack.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Dark Knight
I like Batman. I think he's a cool superhero. There is nothing that makes him super though aside from his abundance of cash as Bruce Wayne (hope I didn't spoil his identity for anybody!). He can't fly, he can't do a Hulk Smash and definately can't shoot webs. But that's what is appealing. He's a regular handsome rich guy who's taking the streets back. The Dark Knight upped the ante for me as far as my Batman opinion goes. He took the top spot from Spiderman, so let's get into the movie.
I have two complaints with a possible third.
#1. His growl. You don't sing for Cannibal Corpse and you're not Cookie Monster. If your close friends and associated don't recognize your lower face, I thinks it's safe to believe that in fantasy Gotham they won't recognize your voice either (Peter Parker I am looking at you)
#2. I got fed up of hearing everybody refer to him as "the Batman". It sounds like Bret Hart saying "the WCW". Shut up.
#3. Heath Ledger licking his goddamn lips so much. Self explanatory.
The story is great. In my opinion this is more of a crime/police story than a superhero comic book movie. Aside from a guy dressed as a bat, everything is played straight and is truly believable. Yes it includes the Joker.
Heath Ledger in my opinion IS the star of the show. Dead or not, this is the Jokers movie 100%. When he is on screen I am glued to the screen. When he is off screen I am anxiously awaiting his next appearance. Then when the Joker theme comes on I am ready to see what happens next. He steals the whole movie. One of my favorite parts to him is his story of getting the scars and how he's a complete mystery about everything.
If you know me you know one of my pet peeves about villains in movies is that they have to come up with some horrendous, idiotic reason from their past that made them maniacs. It's always delivered with the generic "I'm so crrraaaazzzyyyy" delivery too after they played it straight the rest of the movie. There's no bullshitting with the Joker. Michael Caine said it perfectly when Bruce is trying to figure it out when he said there are some people who just want to watch the world burn. Amen brother. Perfect villain explanation.
The entire cast is great minus Maggie Gyllenhall. She sucks. She is ugly. She is annoying like her stupid brother. Her bogus stuck in the middle romance eats my shit but I know it's an integral part to the story so what can I do? At least they couldve let Katie Holmes know I'd eat her snatch to come back, I mean what girl would say no to that right? She sucks too but at least she's attractive.
Gary Oldman is the man. Aaron Eckhart was VERY good as Harvey Two Face. Once he turns I actually think I'd be more terrified of him than the Joker if I crossed paths with him.
Morgan Freeman is always good as the gentle black man. That guy can make you feel good with his voice, even as he is penetrating your ass with his unlubed dick. He speaks with such serenity.
The action stuff is cool, although I'll be honest I couldve used more. There wasn't a lack and it was all there for a reason. I'm a Michael Bay fan though so I anticipate sweaty tits, slow camera movements, and explosions every three minutes, followed by Morgan Freeman telling Christian Bale that shit just got real.
For a two and a half hour movie, it breezes by. Even upon my second viewing since it's on DVD now, it still moved fast and I loved it.
Upon second viewing however,this time I was a little distracted by Heath Ledger. I myself am beyond afraid of death, so seeing a guy my age just hitting his stride and putting on a display that warrants being called one of the top movie villains I've ever seen next to Biff and Mama Fratelli, it sucks to know he didn't even have the chance to see it. He probably does deserve a best supporting actor award and the Dark Knight should be up for best picture but let's be honest, those honors typically go to movies starring guys named Francois and they spend twenty minutes naked on a farm speaking a foreign language. That's fine that the academy nominated whatever they want, the problem is they rarely nominate anything people actually go and see. So hopefully he wins and this is at least under consideration.
Highly highly recommend not just seeing it but adding it to your own personal collection. I know my copy has earned it's spot in my classics collection with Weekend at Bernies and Harry and the Hendersons.
Heath Ledger is very haunting in it. The more I think of it i'm creeper out.
I have two complaints with a possible third.
#1. His growl. You don't sing for Cannibal Corpse and you're not Cookie Monster. If your close friends and associated don't recognize your lower face, I thinks it's safe to believe that in fantasy Gotham they won't recognize your voice either (Peter Parker I am looking at you)
#2. I got fed up of hearing everybody refer to him as "the Batman". It sounds like Bret Hart saying "the WCW". Shut up.
#3. Heath Ledger licking his goddamn lips so much. Self explanatory.
The story is great. In my opinion this is more of a crime/police story than a superhero comic book movie. Aside from a guy dressed as a bat, everything is played straight and is truly believable. Yes it includes the Joker.
Heath Ledger in my opinion IS the star of the show. Dead or not, this is the Jokers movie 100%. When he is on screen I am glued to the screen. When he is off screen I am anxiously awaiting his next appearance. Then when the Joker theme comes on I am ready to see what happens next. He steals the whole movie. One of my favorite parts to him is his story of getting the scars and how he's a complete mystery about everything.
If you know me you know one of my pet peeves about villains in movies is that they have to come up with some horrendous, idiotic reason from their past that made them maniacs. It's always delivered with the generic "I'm so crrraaaazzzyyyy" delivery too after they played it straight the rest of the movie. There's no bullshitting with the Joker. Michael Caine said it perfectly when Bruce is trying to figure it out when he said there are some people who just want to watch the world burn. Amen brother. Perfect villain explanation.
The entire cast is great minus Maggie Gyllenhall. She sucks. She is ugly. She is annoying like her stupid brother. Her bogus stuck in the middle romance eats my shit but I know it's an integral part to the story so what can I do? At least they couldve let Katie Holmes know I'd eat her snatch to come back, I mean what girl would say no to that right? She sucks too but at least she's attractive.
Gary Oldman is the man. Aaron Eckhart was VERY good as Harvey Two Face. Once he turns I actually think I'd be more terrified of him than the Joker if I crossed paths with him.
Morgan Freeman is always good as the gentle black man. That guy can make you feel good with his voice, even as he is penetrating your ass with his unlubed dick. He speaks with such serenity.
The action stuff is cool, although I'll be honest I couldve used more. There wasn't a lack and it was all there for a reason. I'm a Michael Bay fan though so I anticipate sweaty tits, slow camera movements, and explosions every three minutes, followed by Morgan Freeman telling Christian Bale that shit just got real.
For a two and a half hour movie, it breezes by. Even upon my second viewing since it's on DVD now, it still moved fast and I loved it.
Upon second viewing however,this time I was a little distracted by Heath Ledger. I myself am beyond afraid of death, so seeing a guy my age just hitting his stride and putting on a display that warrants being called one of the top movie villains I've ever seen next to Biff and Mama Fratelli, it sucks to know he didn't even have the chance to see it. He probably does deserve a best supporting actor award and the Dark Knight should be up for best picture but let's be honest, those honors typically go to movies starring guys named Francois and they spend twenty minutes naked on a farm speaking a foreign language. That's fine that the academy nominated whatever they want, the problem is they rarely nominate anything people actually go and see. So hopefully he wins and this is at least under consideration.
Highly highly recommend not just seeing it but adding it to your own personal collection. I know my copy has earned it's spot in my classics collection with Weekend at Bernies and Harry and the Hendersons.
Heath Ledger is very haunting in it. The more I think of it i'm creeper out.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
City Of God
I had heard about this movie in 03 when I started college. It's about the violence and crime in the slums of Rio de Janero and all the crazy shit that goes down. I had no idea but it takes place in the 60's/70's and follows a group of kids from their adolescence to their grown up shithead phase.
The movie is subtitled, which for me personally is fine but sometimes distracting. Sometimes I feel like I miss some visual aspects of the movie, but for this one I got the gist of it all. Some of the things that happened you could see coming, but in delivery were still cool. It's not just gangsta rappers glorifying thug life, it's all over the world. I wish these people wouldn't resort to crime and murder, or if that's the path they take, I wish they'd avoid the innocent people. But I digress.
I was watching up until one of the guys, Benny, decided he wants out and there's a big going away party for him. Violence strikes and it was obvious what was going to happen. From there all hell breaks loose so of course I'd be amped for this right?
Wrong. The movie is two hours and ten minutes long. There was still plenty of time left. Once they become adults it really starts to drag and I feel they couldve cut out some of the stuff. We understand that the bad guy is a very bad guy. When he was a kid we established how nasty he was. So in the midst of all the action it happened....
I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up and turned it off, actually not caring to see the rest. I had my assumptions of what would happen. I looked up the spoiler online and in fact, my assumptions were correct. The only thing I didn't realize was it being based on a true story (according to the ending anyway) but Weekend at Bernies was also based on a true story along with Harry and the Hendersons.
Whatever. The whole start of the movie was great. I enjoyed seeing what these people became, they just spent too much time telling me. Check it out if you want, or go find spoilers
The movie is subtitled, which for me personally is fine but sometimes distracting. Sometimes I feel like I miss some visual aspects of the movie, but for this one I got the gist of it all. Some of the things that happened you could see coming, but in delivery were still cool. It's not just gangsta rappers glorifying thug life, it's all over the world. I wish these people wouldn't resort to crime and murder, or if that's the path they take, I wish they'd avoid the innocent people. But I digress.
I was watching up until one of the guys, Benny, decided he wants out and there's a big going away party for him. Violence strikes and it was obvious what was going to happen. From there all hell breaks loose so of course I'd be amped for this right?
Wrong. The movie is two hours and ten minutes long. There was still plenty of time left. Once they become adults it really starts to drag and I feel they couldve cut out some of the stuff. We understand that the bad guy is a very bad guy. When he was a kid we established how nasty he was. So in the midst of all the action it happened....
I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up and turned it off, actually not caring to see the rest. I had my assumptions of what would happen. I looked up the spoiler online and in fact, my assumptions were correct. The only thing I didn't realize was it being based on a true story (according to the ending anyway) but Weekend at Bernies was also based on a true story along with Harry and the Hendersons.
Whatever. The whole start of the movie was great. I enjoyed seeing what these people became, they just spent too much time telling me. Check it out if you want, or go find spoilers
Monday, December 1, 2008
Transporter 3
Frank Martin is back! He's as cut, kickass, and bald as ever.
They've put Frank back overseas away from the nasty skinny American blonde bitch from part 2, the stupid geek politician, and his job as a cheuffer. As Egan said, it is like part 2 never happened with how this one goes.
Frank has to transport a person again, like in the first movie. This time a hot bitch from Ukraine (who is not an actor, just some hottie the writer wanted in the movie, she does a great job). This time however, Frank can't just decide one thing or another and break his rules to screw the bad guys. He has a bracelet, along with the girl, that will combine chemicals and blow up if he moves 75 feet away from his car.
All kinds of crap happens, as you'd expect from a movie with Jason Statham, including but not limited to:
A sweet bike ride
A Statham striptease which will just make you melt if you have man crushes on cut bald guys!
Some good fights
Sweet car chases
dirtbag bad guy city
etc
It goes back to the original in the cheesey style of the movie as far as the story goes, along with the ridiculous music and love interest. I was thoroughly entertained throughout.
The one complaint I have, might not even be a complaint as much as an "I see the positives and negatives of doing it this way" and that's for the fight scenes. In the first and second movie, you could see everything perfectly. It was obviously a well planned, choreographed, and orchestrated fight scene with ridiculous things happening.
In the latest installment, all these things are still here, but at a much faster pace. Literally you can see that some of the fight has been sped up to make impacts sick and to make it just insane. Along with that comes faster editing. Its not on the level of the Bourne movies where you can't see a fucking thing going on, but it is also not the easy on the eyes fights from the first two. It helps them so they dont look like a ballet act, but it hurts them because I enjoyed the ballet looking slick fight scenes from the other movies.
Bottom line, you still see that mother fucker beat the shit out of a bunch of bad guys and shit, so its all good.
I read a review saying this was a dvd rental at best. Eat shit! You need to go see Statham tear it up on the BIG SCREEN so his bald head is shown in full force!
They've put Frank back overseas away from the nasty skinny American blonde bitch from part 2, the stupid geek politician, and his job as a cheuffer. As Egan said, it is like part 2 never happened with how this one goes.
Frank has to transport a person again, like in the first movie. This time a hot bitch from Ukraine (who is not an actor, just some hottie the writer wanted in the movie, she does a great job). This time however, Frank can't just decide one thing or another and break his rules to screw the bad guys. He has a bracelet, along with the girl, that will combine chemicals and blow up if he moves 75 feet away from his car.
All kinds of crap happens, as you'd expect from a movie with Jason Statham, including but not limited to:
A sweet bike ride
A Statham striptease which will just make you melt if you have man crushes on cut bald guys!
Some good fights
Sweet car chases
dirtbag bad guy city
etc
It goes back to the original in the cheesey style of the movie as far as the story goes, along with the ridiculous music and love interest. I was thoroughly entertained throughout.
The one complaint I have, might not even be a complaint as much as an "I see the positives and negatives of doing it this way" and that's for the fight scenes. In the first and second movie, you could see everything perfectly. It was obviously a well planned, choreographed, and orchestrated fight scene with ridiculous things happening.
In the latest installment, all these things are still here, but at a much faster pace. Literally you can see that some of the fight has been sped up to make impacts sick and to make it just insane. Along with that comes faster editing. Its not on the level of the Bourne movies where you can't see a fucking thing going on, but it is also not the easy on the eyes fights from the first two. It helps them so they dont look like a ballet act, but it hurts them because I enjoyed the ballet looking slick fight scenes from the other movies.
Bottom line, you still see that mother fucker beat the shit out of a bunch of bad guys and shit, so its all good.
I read a review saying this was a dvd rental at best. Eat shit! You need to go see Statham tear it up on the BIG SCREEN so his bald head is shown in full force!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Teeth
What starts out as a creepy, religious type infomercial for abstinence, quickly turns into a crazy affair.
This chick is uncomfortable with her body, knowing there is something wrong with her. Something that isn't normal. She takes a vow of abstinence and is a public speaker at her school about it. While she is speaking the "new guy" at school takes a liking to her, and then her vow of abstinence is called into question when she realizes her panties are getting wet at the sight of the dudes incredibly shitty haircut.
What happens next when things get taken a little further than she would like, was ridiculous.
I knew the premise of the movie before watching so I had an idea of what was going to happen. Knowing, and then seeing it in action is a completely different thing. It was even nastier than I expected. The editor of the movie did such a good job of waiting, and then waiting, and waiting, until finally waiting a little bit longer, before showing the horrible aftermath of what happens when she realizes she can use her deformaty to protect herself.
It was pretty gruesome. While the idea is freaky and disgusting, there was still plenty of humor in itself. The movie played itself out not taking itself too seriously, yet at the same time being incredibly uncomfortable and repulsive all at the same time.
I was glued to the couch, waiting to see who was next in line.
Each time delivered the total package (ha!) and left me cringing, even though it was warranted behaviour.
Definately check it out. The amount they show was surprising, but at the same time I am glad the prosthetics department (or the sausage cart) got so much action in the movie.
As far as the teeth themselves, those are still left to the imagination.
Good stuff
This chick is uncomfortable with her body, knowing there is something wrong with her. Something that isn't normal. She takes a vow of abstinence and is a public speaker at her school about it. While she is speaking the "new guy" at school takes a liking to her, and then her vow of abstinence is called into question when she realizes her panties are getting wet at the sight of the dudes incredibly shitty haircut.
What happens next when things get taken a little further than she would like, was ridiculous.
I knew the premise of the movie before watching so I had an idea of what was going to happen. Knowing, and then seeing it in action is a completely different thing. It was even nastier than I expected. The editor of the movie did such a good job of waiting, and then waiting, and waiting, until finally waiting a little bit longer, before showing the horrible aftermath of what happens when she realizes she can use her deformaty to protect herself.
It was pretty gruesome. While the idea is freaky and disgusting, there was still plenty of humor in itself. The movie played itself out not taking itself too seriously, yet at the same time being incredibly uncomfortable and repulsive all at the same time.
I was glued to the couch, waiting to see who was next in line.
Each time delivered the total package (ha!) and left me cringing, even though it was warranted behaviour.
Definately check it out. The amount they show was surprising, but at the same time I am glad the prosthetics department (or the sausage cart) got so much action in the movie.
As far as the teeth themselves, those are still left to the imagination.
Good stuff
Monday, November 10, 2008
Get Rich, or Die Tryin'
This is a loosely based look at the life and times of 50 Cent.
I will be the first to say, I HATE MOVIES, TV SHOWS, OR ANYTHING AT ALL GLORIFYING THE THUG LIFE.
Movies like this give pieces of shit like the kid who robbed me the idea that they too can deal drugs, shoot people, and be involved with murders and still grow up to be a rousing success, sell millions of albums, and all of a sudden become a good citizen.
Seeing exactly what transpired in his young life, obviously it IS an eye opener to see what some of these kids go through. What is mind boggling to me though is that these kids think they have to become a gangsta, or they have to hustle to make money and be a general menace to society, get it?
These kids who saw this movie in hopes of seeing their hero realize the american dream are fucked. His story isn't of inspiration as much as a guy that went through a ton of shit, realized he made tremendously poor choices, and nearly got himself killed in the process.
Is this what people want to aspire to be? Low life drug runners working for murderers and thugs? It makes no sense.
Does it mean the movie is bad? Absolutely not. I was interested and entertained throughout. If this was a purely fictional tale I wouldn't have any real qualms with the idea that this fictional character got his revenge on his mothers killer by making music, but since I know what has happened since, where this guy is a huge celebrity, has glorified and made bullet proof vests a fashion statement and made millions on the fact he survived an assasination attempt.
Maybe I am just jealous of these people who are doing things the "wrong way" and getting million dollar mansions, mercedes, and the fine ass bitches they wants. Meanwhile I am sitting here struggling to make a peanut butter sandwich.
Nah, joking aside, it is very entertaining, and I liked it and was interested in what would happen, even though I knew the ending already.
I just wish some of these people would actually be a positive influence on these kids. Maybe its because theres been an unbelievable amount of gang related violence in my city or what have you. None of them will ever compare with Boyz N' the Hood. Increase the Peace!
I will be the first to say, I HATE MOVIES, TV SHOWS, OR ANYTHING AT ALL GLORIFYING THE THUG LIFE.
Movies like this give pieces of shit like the kid who robbed me the idea that they too can deal drugs, shoot people, and be involved with murders and still grow up to be a rousing success, sell millions of albums, and all of a sudden become a good citizen.
Seeing exactly what transpired in his young life, obviously it IS an eye opener to see what some of these kids go through. What is mind boggling to me though is that these kids think they have to become a gangsta, or they have to hustle to make money and be a general menace to society, get it?
These kids who saw this movie in hopes of seeing their hero realize the american dream are fucked. His story isn't of inspiration as much as a guy that went through a ton of shit, realized he made tremendously poor choices, and nearly got himself killed in the process.
Is this what people want to aspire to be? Low life drug runners working for murderers and thugs? It makes no sense.
Does it mean the movie is bad? Absolutely not. I was interested and entertained throughout. If this was a purely fictional tale I wouldn't have any real qualms with the idea that this fictional character got his revenge on his mothers killer by making music, but since I know what has happened since, where this guy is a huge celebrity, has glorified and made bullet proof vests a fashion statement and made millions on the fact he survived an assasination attempt.
Maybe I am just jealous of these people who are doing things the "wrong way" and getting million dollar mansions, mercedes, and the fine ass bitches they wants. Meanwhile I am sitting here struggling to make a peanut butter sandwich.
Nah, joking aside, it is very entertaining, and I liked it and was interested in what would happen, even though I knew the ending already.
I just wish some of these people would actually be a positive influence on these kids. Maybe its because theres been an unbelievable amount of gang related violence in my city or what have you. None of them will ever compare with Boyz N' the Hood. Increase the Peace!
The Warriors
I first saw this movie when I was 12 or so. My aunt had the video lying around and I borrowed it and checked it out.
The movie has obviously dated itself with some of the horrendous hairstyles and music. Not saying the music is bad because I love synthesizers and stuff like that, but gigantic white guy fros, and shaggy hair look terrible, even now with shithead cool kids bringing them back.
What I do like is that the whole concept is still something people can relate to today. Getting from point A to point B while you have every gang in NYC after you is self explanatory.
I like the majority of the fights. They arent anything insane by todays standards, but I am sure at the time this was cutting age fight choreography. Another thing about the movie aging not so gracefully...
Were gangs in the 70's really this ridiculous? I like the Baseball Furies as much as the next guy, but lets be realistic, would anyone actually dress that way? How about the Hi-Hats, or the numerous other stupid gimmicky gangs in the movie.
I like a lot of the characters, although the stupid wuss guy in the Warriors is a waste, and I HATE the romance aspect that came along when the Warriors stole the Orphans bitch. A movie like this doesn't really need a romantic story and it honestly slows it down a little. At the same time some the other cut aways in the story slow down too when the Warriors meet up with the Lizzies. Is it too much to ask for a movie with guys fucking each other up and needing to get home doesn't involve a nasty whore? I like girls flashing their tits and being hookers in these movies, but as far as romance, beat it.
Even though its dated, and could actually benefit from a "reimagining" or a modernizing of the movie, I recommend checking out one of the first movies to cause a huge stink at the box office with people actually getting killed at the theatre. Crazy.
The movie has obviously dated itself with some of the horrendous hairstyles and music. Not saying the music is bad because I love synthesizers and stuff like that, but gigantic white guy fros, and shaggy hair look terrible, even now with shithead cool kids bringing them back.
What I do like is that the whole concept is still something people can relate to today. Getting from point A to point B while you have every gang in NYC after you is self explanatory.
I like the majority of the fights. They arent anything insane by todays standards, but I am sure at the time this was cutting age fight choreography. Another thing about the movie aging not so gracefully...
Were gangs in the 70's really this ridiculous? I like the Baseball Furies as much as the next guy, but lets be realistic, would anyone actually dress that way? How about the Hi-Hats, or the numerous other stupid gimmicky gangs in the movie.
I like a lot of the characters, although the stupid wuss guy in the Warriors is a waste, and I HATE the romance aspect that came along when the Warriors stole the Orphans bitch. A movie like this doesn't really need a romantic story and it honestly slows it down a little. At the same time some the other cut aways in the story slow down too when the Warriors meet up with the Lizzies. Is it too much to ask for a movie with guys fucking each other up and needing to get home doesn't involve a nasty whore? I like girls flashing their tits and being hookers in these movies, but as far as romance, beat it.
Even though its dated, and could actually benefit from a "reimagining" or a modernizing of the movie, I recommend checking out one of the first movies to cause a huge stink at the box office with people actually getting killed at the theatre. Crazy.
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