Liam Neeson stars as an ex "preventer" who's daughter heads to Paris and is kidnapped with her friend by some dirty Albanian scumbags. He heads out of retirement and puts a serious hurt on anyone standing in his way. I do mean anyone. I'm talking about you innocent housewife!!
Luc Besson who wrote The Professional and two of the Transporters and a bunch of other shit wrote this. The more I see of stuff he came up with the more I'm inclined to say oh he wrote this so I'm sure it'll be full of highly entertaining, over the top, balls out action and a story about hookers or human trafficking. Sold.
This starts out letting us know who the characters are. As soon as the movie heads to Paris, all bets are off. He shows up and pretty much turns into Jason Statham in the Transporter. Only thing is he's like thirty years older and the only thing being transported by him are fucking beatings for all these foreign ass perverts. He lays the beat downs like a hard ass and it was thoroughly enjoyable to watch. For a PG-13 rating, I'm surprised at how much gun play, killings an half naked bitches were in here. Really if there were a couple of accented fucks in there and a few titties, this would be one of the best brainless actioners I've seen in a bit.
Everyone behind this knew how to start the engine and keep things going at break neck speeds. There's no dumb shit to this movie as any fat has been trimmed and we are served up to a big plate of awesome.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Only movie I've ever wanted to leave during. I like the guy that wrote it, but this was complete horse shit. Johnny Depp, great job as Dr. Evil Wonka.
Worst movie ever
Worst movie ever
Captivity
I may have already reviewed this, I don't remember.
Anyhow I saw the DVD laying around and it reminded me of this:
IT'S SO SHITTY!!
Anyhow I saw the DVD laying around and it reminded me of this:
IT'S SO SHITTY!!
The Notebook
Sat down with my lady to watch every girls favorite movie last night. I expected some cheesy fairy tale shit but it turned out to be thoroughly enjoyable. It's about two sweethearts seperated after a summer of love, only to somehow be reunited down the line. There's plenty more to the story, most of which I figured out right away, but it didn't take away my enjoyment of the flick at all. It had humor, romance, and a shitload of dialogue that sounded like a legitimate scenario I was involved in last summer.
Yes I cried. Any dude that watches with his bitch and doesn't cry, you're a fucking creep
Yes I cried. Any dude that watches with his bitch and doesn't cry, you're a fucking creep
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Underworld 3
Prequel to the Vampire vs. Werewolf series that had Kate Beckinsale running around in painted on sexy outfits. In her place is the equally attractive if not slightly sexier Rhona Mitre.
She plays a death dealer, no surprise, in love with Lucian (a Lycan hybrid who protects their turf from his other werewolf comrades). When their affair is brought to the attention to her father Victor (the creepy old fuck with crazy eyes) he shits and has Lucian whipped and tossed in Jail with a bunch of other rejects. Sonja (Rhona) makes a deal to help him escape and their love fest begins the all out war between vampires and werewolves.
It looks and feels exactly like the other two. Filled with blue color, cool fights, sexy bitch and creepy old guy looking creepy. If you liked the first two it won't disappoint. If you didn't it won't change your mind. I enjoyed it thoroughly and enjoy Rhona Mitre as the replacement for Selene. They're both babes that wanna blow me.
If you haven't seen the three, as this is a prequel you should just see the newest one first followed by one and two.
She plays a death dealer, no surprise, in love with Lucian (a Lycan hybrid who protects their turf from his other werewolf comrades). When their affair is brought to the attention to her father Victor (the creepy old fuck with crazy eyes) he shits and has Lucian whipped and tossed in Jail with a bunch of other rejects. Sonja (Rhona) makes a deal to help him escape and their love fest begins the all out war between vampires and werewolves.
It looks and feels exactly like the other two. Filled with blue color, cool fights, sexy bitch and creepy old guy looking creepy. If you liked the first two it won't disappoint. If you didn't it won't change your mind. I enjoyed it thoroughly and enjoy Rhona Mitre as the replacement for Selene. They're both babes that wanna blow me.
If you haven't seen the three, as this is a prequel you should just see the newest one first followed by one and two.
Max Payne
Mark Wahlberg is a pretty decent choice to play pain. I'm obsessed with the video game yet I honestly can't pick someone I'd want as Payne. So Wahlberg is good enough for me.
This is a flick starting towards the end and rewinding to the beginning. We see Max under water as he is left for dead for whatever reason we haven't seen yet.
One of those hard edged cop movies where Paynes wife and newborn were murdered so he literally is looking for a case that will get him killed. He's got no reason to live.
While looking for information this hot Russian bitch gets murdered, and Max becomes a suspect because they found his wallet at the scene. Damn bitches and their sticky fingers.
Max is a marked man with the cops AND a group of bad Russians, most specifically Mona Sax played by the way hot and not noticed enough Mila Kunis. What a babe. When Max gets a lead on who murdered the Bitch (who's Monas sister) he saves his own ass from getting his head shot to shit and needs her help finding those responsible.
The murder of her sister and Maxs family are related so the shit hits the fan looking for the answers.
As far as the movie goes it looks real nice. Has the hard edged look and gritty feel of a snowy New York. It started off a little eeeh for me, but soon enough things picked up and I was engulfed.
As far as a translation from the video game goes, they do a pretty decent job sticking to things originating in the game. Some things I didn't care for, some characters weren't used to the fullest etc. It's much better than most video game translations. There were parts I wish were in it (like the bank robbery, skinny Vinnie Gognitti running from Payne), but overall it was cool. Not a barn burner but it was cool.
The game had plenty of shootouts, more junkies and twists and turns and it actually took place in one night. This took place over a few days.
If you like the game it's cool enough. If your never played the game the story might interest you as a stand alone new idea. Not enough bullet time for a game that needed it, but the whole effect has been beaten to death so it's all good.
Open ended for a possible sequel which I'd see. The ending credits were awesome and they left all credits till the end which I like (ahem Lawson ahem coming soon)
This is a flick starting towards the end and rewinding to the beginning. We see Max under water as he is left for dead for whatever reason we haven't seen yet.
One of those hard edged cop movies where Paynes wife and newborn were murdered so he literally is looking for a case that will get him killed. He's got no reason to live.
While looking for information this hot Russian bitch gets murdered, and Max becomes a suspect because they found his wallet at the scene. Damn bitches and their sticky fingers.
Max is a marked man with the cops AND a group of bad Russians, most specifically Mona Sax played by the way hot and not noticed enough Mila Kunis. What a babe. When Max gets a lead on who murdered the Bitch (who's Monas sister) he saves his own ass from getting his head shot to shit and needs her help finding those responsible.
The murder of her sister and Maxs family are related so the shit hits the fan looking for the answers.
As far as the movie goes it looks real nice. Has the hard edged look and gritty feel of a snowy New York. It started off a little eeeh for me, but soon enough things picked up and I was engulfed.
As far as a translation from the video game goes, they do a pretty decent job sticking to things originating in the game. Some things I didn't care for, some characters weren't used to the fullest etc. It's much better than most video game translations. There were parts I wish were in it (like the bank robbery, skinny Vinnie Gognitti running from Payne), but overall it was cool. Not a barn burner but it was cool.
The game had plenty of shootouts, more junkies and twists and turns and it actually took place in one night. This took place over a few days.
If you like the game it's cool enough. If your never played the game the story might interest you as a stand alone new idea. Not enough bullet time for a game that needed it, but the whole effect has been beaten to death so it's all good.
Open ended for a possible sequel which I'd see. The ending credits were awesome and they left all credits till the end which I like (ahem Lawson ahem coming soon)
Bangkok Dangerous
Nicolas Cage has terrible hair in this. Apparently they combined his regular three hairs with doll hair to get this unique and creepy look. He's a hit man headed to Bangkok to pull off four connected jobs before he retires.
The preview made it look a little different. The movie goes at a lumbering pace for the first hour or so. Here are a few alright occurances in that time, but I was expecting more hit man action and less Mr. Myagi action from dollhair. Along the way Cage falls for a deaf Asian pharmacist and makes rude obscene sign language gestures to her.
The ending picks up as Cage is found out for his final job and needs to run for his life making his trip to Bangkok...... Dangerous!
The preview made it look a little different. The movie goes at a lumbering pace for the first hour or so. Here are a few alright occurances in that time, but I was expecting more hit man action and less Mr. Myagi action from dollhair. Along the way Cage falls for a deaf Asian pharmacist and makes rude obscene sign language gestures to her.
The ending picks up as Cage is found out for his final job and needs to run for his life making his trip to Bangkok...... Dangerous!
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